Growing A Life

Challenges

2010-03-29T23:03:00.006-05:00

Sometimes, I have trouble deciding if something is BS or if it's for real.

Like now. My current dilemma started in early January, when Fly went back to preschool after the Christmas break. But really, I guess, it started long before then.

His preschool teacher said by halfway through the school year, most kids have settled into the routine and what's expected of them. But not Fly. He doesn't want to participate in class. He knocks things on the floor on purpose. He won't sit down for story time. He hits his classmates. He goes to a religious school, and they won't take him to chapel anymore unless I go too because they can't handle him and he is too disruptive for the other kids. The teacher suggested he get tested by a free program run by the county school board. "Parent to parent," she said, "I would want to know if he has a developmental delay."

Fly? Developmentally delayed? The child who knows more about trains than anyone I know. Who keeps asking to learn to play the violin. Who uses four-syllable words on a regular basis.

And yet ... I recognized his impulsive and often out-of-control behavior.

Warily and wearily, I scheduled a testing appointment.

I also got great advice via Twitter from Jodifur, who had similar school conferences with her son. On her recommendation, I also got an appointment for Fly with a developmental pediatrician.

I even had food allergy tests run for Fly.

These appointments have taken us on a bumpy, frustrating, time-consuming and expensive ride through the first quarter of this year to where we are now. Which, well, frankly, I don't know where exactly we are.

The school board testing, in my opinion, was a joke, and I told the preschool that. They thought that was "interesting" and said they wanted to "chat more" about why I was so unimpressed with the program.

The developmental pediatrician was more helpful but very stern and very expensive. But at least, that route led us to occupational therapy, where Fly has been diagnosed with a sensory processing or sensory integration disorder and low muscle tone -- reasons, or excuses, for why he rarely remains still, why he can't hold a crayon and color for more than three seconds, and why he's so uncoordinated that he is always running into things, tripping on his own feet and can't pedal a tricycle yet.

I get that Fly "has challenges." I have blogged before about his intense, high-need, high-energy personality, which he has had since he was a baby. It's not uncommon for people to tell me, "Boy, I thought my kid had a lot of energy, but yours has even more!" This afternoon after quiet time, Fly broke a toy and then hit the Bug and me with it. Twice. Even after timeout for the first time hitting. Then he hit JP at the dinner table, where he can't ever sit still. He can't follow multi-part directions. He asks the same questions repeatedly. He will argue with you and say or do the opposite thing you say just for the sake of doing so. I could go on.

But, big deal. Lots of kids -- normal, healthy kids -- could be described in these same ways, right?

As a mama, I am overwhelmed and bewildered at this array of doctors and therapists that has come into our lives.

I wonder how much of this is just Fly being an active three-year-old boy and how much is a real medical or developmental problem. Obviously, there are areas he needs to work on in the classroom and at home, but I can't believe that Fly is unique in having to work on certain areas -- surely every child has strengths and weaknesses, like adults. Part of me wants to think all the "experts" know what they are talking about, but part of me thinks it's a lot of mumbo-jumbo.

Does having a sensory processing diagnosis mean his teachers will be more understanding now that there is a reason, a label, attached to his seeming bad behavior? Will it be a great early-intervention tool to getting him on track and ready for kindergarten?

Or does a diagnosis mean that educators are too quick to put a stamp on a child and herd him through "the system" to get him to conform? Does it mean that as a parent I've fallen prey to some new-fangled notion that therapists have come up with for excusing bad or weird behavior?

I haven't decided which.

In any case, JP and I want Fly to do well, and the occupational therapy can't be bad for him, so we will try this out for a while and see how it goes. The therapist says after a few sessions, she will come up with things I can do with Fly at home that will help him -- she called it a "sensory diet" -- not food, but activities that will help him. She is also doing exercises that help him focus and help strengthen his muscles. I don't get how a kid who is constantly moving, who plays on the playground and takes soccer class has low muscle tone.

I don't get a lot of this.

But I want Fly to succeed and feel good about himself. I know beyond his sometimes almost-manic behavior and despite the days when he wants to hit everyone, Fly still has a kind and generous heart. He has a spooky-good memory and likes telling jokes (badly). He likes animals and can identify several species of birds. He enjoys music and asks me to sing songs with him, or play specific songs for him. He likes to give hugs. And get hugs.

To get right down to it, he's worth fighting for.

Beauty and art

2009-12-31T15:16:00.007-05:00

So it's the end of the year, and I miss my blog here. I miss sinking into a chair during naptime and catching up with my good old friends. I miss doing things because I enjoy them, as it seems my life has become dominated by a to-do list and practicality. And for some reason, Fly lately has been telling me, "I miss you."

Maybe that's why recently I've been craving beauty and art.

And I'd like a side of order.

I look around my house and see the clutter of toys and Christmas packages and stuff JP has left out because he, too, has become stretched and straightening up isn't a priority around our house.

Not beautiful.

I grab a handful of baby fat at my waist and fear that jowls are sneaking up on me.

Not beautiful.

I wake up groggy after five hours of broken sleep, and brace myself for what new three-year-old defiance Fly will hurl at me this day.

Not beautiful.

But I remind myself that this is beauty.

And this is art.

Maybe order will come in time, but until then I will just try to go back to my mantra, "A mama needs to have more fun."

Wishing you a more fun-filled 2010!

Blurry

2009-11-01T00:55:00.002-05:00

Life is going by in a blur.

I know I am participating in it -- and time often creeps slowly toward naptime -- but it still seems life is taking us for a ride instead of us being in control.

It sometimes seems like too much work and not enough play time. But when we get down to the business of playing, we really play.

Fly is starting to differentiate among kids his age and prefer some over others -- he is making friends. Preschool is going great. His favorite subject? Digging in the sand.

The Bug is suddenly four months old. He is already teething, as his big brother Fly got his first teeth at four months. He takes everything in and rarely complains. It was about this time last year we knew he was on his way.

Now there are just two months left in the year, so I'm trying to hold onto every day because I know they will never be this small again and I don't want my memories to get blurry.

Scenic Route stamp by Scrap Girls, Refresh frame by Scrap Girls, Scrapping Sisters word art

Halloween Show kit by Digiscrapbooking.ch, Digi-Designs by Nicole frame

2009-10-08T22:52:00.010-05:00

I'd like to say I've been a bad blogger because I'm spending my time being a better mother. But that's not true.

OK, it's true that I'm trying to be a better mother. And it's true that Fly's third-birthday party knocked the wind out of me. (I'm such a rookie at this birthday-party business. I invited everyone I know who has a child. It was such a huge party that I was jokingly calling it the social event of the season for our county's preschoolers.) And it's true that after the party, Fly got sick and passed the cold onto Junebug, and when I got it, I almost wished I would just die already. We all still have a yucky cough.

But I am a bad blogger too.

Anyway, I know no one wants to hear me ramble about stupid excuses, so here are some photos, which, if anyone is still coming to this blog looking for new content, is all you probably wanted to see anyway.

Fly's preschool photo

Um, yeah.

Cuteness

One of Bug's first really big smiles

More matching outfits

Fly at his birthday party

Two months

2009-08-30T15:37:00.009-05:00

When you're two months old, you don't have a lot of control over your life. People like to do this kind of thing to you:

(My friend took this photo of me and the babe.)

And there's that wild creature who's always being loud and accidentally-on-purpose bumping into a tiny person. On a rare occasion, he sits down for a picosecond.

(Another photo by the fab Jennifer.)

You also have no control over what you're wearing.

Or how you're worn.

(Experimenting with a mei tai -- made by the lovely and beautiful Bloggy Mama -- for the first time.)

But in general, at two months, life is pretty good.

P-p-preschool!

2009-08-26T23:49:00.004-05:00

Everyone else does it, and I'm giving in to peer pressure: the standard photo-by-the-front-door picture of a kid on his first day of school.

Fly! In preschool!

Just a few weeks shy of his 3rd birthday, Fly is going to school two days a week -- six hours total, really. His first day went perfectly. In fact, while I was handing off his snack bag and diapers (still not potty trained, ugh) with one of the teachers by the door to his room, he slipped in without me noticing. And then it was too late for me to take another picture or even say goodbye. Something about no clingy parents inside the school.

One day, you're carrying a child everywhere you go, and the next he's ambling into a preschool room without you even noticing. Gah! I didn't get to savor the moment.

But I didn't cry. No, I'm not emotional over the thought of Fly growing up and moving on. (Although he better not love his teacher more. I already consider her The Other Woman.) Maybe I'm a weird mother, but I am excited for him. And a little jealous. After looking at the daily schedule the teacher handed out, detailing everything from story time to water table play to music class to bathroom breaks right down to the minute, I kind of wish it was me going to preschool. It's a great gig. I want to play all day with super-cute little people!

Oh. Wait. I guess I kind of do that already. Except, you know, laundry and meal planning and dealing with home repairs and changing diapers and stuff.

While Fly is in school, I'll be playing with my little Junebug. Because soon enough, he'll be the one trotting off to The Other Woman when I'm not looking.

(Find me over at my new blog.)

A month after my perfect birth

2009-07-30T16:56:00.037-05:00

Dream quickpage by Kimberly Pollinger

It's hard to believe that my baby is a month old today.

Funny how time keeps going forward like that.

My little Junebug is a much more laid-back baby than Fly was. JP tentatively suggested the Bug is my do-over baby -- partly kidding, of course -- because Fly was and still is an intense child.

JP also pointed out that with the Bug I got the labor I always wanted, and because some people enjoy birth stories, well, here ya go. (If you don't want to read the birth story, you can scroll down for a picture of a super-cute baby!)

The day before the Bug was born, I was determined for him to come out. My doctor was planning to induce me because I went past my due date and an ultrasound showed the baby was big. Not a fan of pitocin, I desperately wanted the Bug to come out on his own. So I started the day with a plan. I took Fly for a bike ride over speed bumps. I went out and bought, then drank, raspberry leaf tea (which turns out probably doesn't do anything to encourage labor). I made super-spicy "jump start your labor" cookies as suggested by the Rookie Moms. For a week before, I had been walking as much as possible and trying just about any trick and old-wives' tale I heard about.

Nothing happened.

I woke up early the next day because I couldn't sleep. I did a little yoga -- for the first time during my whole pregnancy -- and watched the morning news while JP and Fly slept. It felt so good to move and stretch my body, which I hadn't been doing for months, and I felt the baby was almost moving and stretching with me.

I had an appointment then, when my OB had me do a non-stress test to get a read on the baby's heartbeat. I sat there for an hour while nurse after nurse tried to get the baby's heartbeat -- which was clearly audible -- to show up on the test machine's printout. It wasn't working, so the doctor told me to have the test done at the hospital and also to get another ultrasound. Perfect! Just what I wanted to do with my day. Did I mention I was trying to squeeze the doctor appointment in before JP had to go to work so he could watch Fly?

When I called JP to tell him I had to go to the hospital, he called his parents to come watch Fly, and we went to the hospital together. Everything checked out fine with the baby, who was still measuring big, and I begged the doctor to give me a couple more days on the induction on the evidence that the Bug was doing just fine in my womb.

JP and I stopped to pick up some lunch for ourselves and his parents to take back home. After eating, I started not feeling so good. Before his parents could go home, I decided to lie down. It was about 2 pm. I wondered if I might be going into labor. JP's parents went home.

By 3 pm, I started feeling mild contractions. Another hour went by, and I told JP maybe he should call his parents to come back. Fly had been napping, which was good timing, I guess. At some point, he woke up and came into my room, where JP was helping me time the contractions while I tried to use hypnobirthing techniques. I was able to relax through the contractions, for the most part -- I lasted longer with the hypnobirthing this time than with Fly.

Very quickly, the contractions started getting stronger and closer together. JP called our doula at 5 pm to tell her to come. Around 5:30, I felt the urge to pee, and my water broke while I was in the bathroom. JP called the doula again, and she was stuck in traffic. She told him to have me get in the tub and try to relax. By this time, the hypnobirthing wasn't working for me anymore. My in-laws were across the hall from the bathroom now, in Fly's room, and probably hearing every moan I made. Suddenly, I felt I couldn't stay in the tub anymore. I got out, and JP found me trying to put on some clothes and helped me get dressed.

I was about to tell him we should get going to the hospital without the doula when she arrived. I don't remember details at this point, except for really wishing I didn't have to go to the hospital and just have the baby at home because I dreaded the thought of getting in the car for the ride there. JP and our doula helped me into the car, and she followed us in her car to the hospital. I'm pretty sure JP broke several traffic laws, but I was too busy writhing in my seat to really notice.

Once I got checked at the hospital around 6:10, I was already 7 cm dilated. They put me in a labor and delivery room pretty fast. My nurse suggested getting an IV in me, but I was moving around a lot, and JP and my doula knew I didn't really want an IV and somehow I didn't end up with one.

I'm not really sure what all happened between the hospital check-in time and the time the Bug was born (7:47), but it didn't seem to me to be as long as an hour and a half. Someone would tell me how far along I was, or asked about when my OB was coming, and the contractions kept coming in waves. Finally, my doula told me I was going to have the baby and I said, "Don't tease me." I didn't think the baby could possibly come that quickly -- Fly took forever.

And then one contraction had a bonus: a strange urge, like the urge to throw up, except, well, of course, at the other end. I started pushing. This was strange to me because with Fly, I had an epidural, and my OB told me when to push because I didn't feel anything. (I pushed him out in eight minutes.)

My nurse naturally told me not to push because my OB hadn't arrived yet. But how can you tell someone not to throw up? Every push felt like a crash throughout the inside of my body. I'm pretty sure I sounded and looked like the Exorcist. This was torture, and yet I thought about my baby and how soon I would be holding him and this would all be over.

My OB arrived, and then everyone in the room tried to get me off my side and on my back, down to where the doctor was at the end of the bed. I basically refused, so they dragged me into position. JP told me he could see the baby's head. I couldn't believe it! A couple more pushes, and the little Bug was out and immediately in my arms, screaming heartily.

I shook.

Here was my 8-lb. 13-oz., 23-inch blessing.

He's perfect. And beautiful. (Today, he's 11 lbs. 5 oz. and 23-3/4 inches.)

Another blessing is I got to have the drug-free birth I wanted. No induction. And not even an IV. (Although that came later. Pitocin to make sure nothing remained in my uterus. Many of you probably know the drill.) I just thank God it went quickly and without any complications. It really was a perfect birth. At the thought of that, I'm amazed.

But I told JP at the time I didn't think I ever wanted to do that again. The pain! The crashing pushes! I still feel it when I cough, sneeze or laugh hard.

Basically, though, I'm just so thankful to have this baby and to have two healthy children. And who knows, maybe once again I'll forget about the labor pains, the pregnancy heartburn and backaches and fatigue, the tussle with nurses and doctors and appointments -- and want to have a third child. I really feel I'm getting too old for this babymaking business, but I can't rule out what is meant to be, can I?

After all, babies are kind of like potato chips: It's hard to stop at just one.

Especially when they're this sweet and cuddly.

I guess I am THAT mom

2009-07-19T21:49:00.003-05:00

The kind of mom who thinks it's fun to dress her kids the same. Sigh. I know it's probably tacky, but I just couldn't help myself. It's just for a little while, before Fly starts getting all independent-like and demanding to wear only certain outfits. (Right now, he doesn't care what I put on him.) I mean, it's just a couple of shirt, right? And they have to wear clothes anyway. It's not like I dress the boys the same every day.

Yes, I sound exactly like a person in denial.

Someone please tell me this is completely within my realm.

Or direct me to good group therapy.

Little babies

2009-07-06T15:07:00.001-05:00

Remember our anatomically correct boy baby doll?

Now we have two.

It's a boy!

2009-07-03T15:09:00.003-05:00

Ready to go home. Can he be smiling already?

Hurray, the labor is over! I didn't have any pain medication this time. Even if I had wanted it, there wasn't any time for me to get it.

Junebug looks great. I'm tired and disheveled.

Born June 30 -- at long last! Thank you for all your good wishes. I'm disoriented and disorganized, but very happy.

Waiting

2009-06-24T14:59:00.002-05:00

No baby yet.

Ain't nuthin' going on here.

Well, actually, I'm 2 cm dilated. My doctor and doula both said to get walking. So for the past three days, I have been walking and doing not much else except ... waiting. That's about all I have energy for.

I thought yesterday was my due date, but it's actually tomorrow. I really got that one mixed up. I know the baby will come when s/he comes, but I really felt the big day would be a couple weeks ago.

So I feel I'm in a holding pattern. I'm trying to do something fun with Fly every day. Writing thank-you notes. Tying up loose ends. Staring at my to-go bag. Discovering if I scratch my belly in just the right place, it seems to tickle the baby.

Just waiting.

Belly shots

2009-06-07T22:45:00.008-05:00

Look at the photos my friend Guinevere took of me today! She's so talented.

Check out her photo blog here.

I didn't really want my picture taken much when I was pregnant with Fly. I don't know why I feel differently this time. I hope Fly doesn't care!

I Love You for Sentimental Reasons

2009-05-31T08:30:00.005-05:00

Fly last fall; MissVivi quick page

When I started Growing A Life two and a half years ago, there was no way I could have imagined I would be where I am now -- that the blog would be where it is now. I didn't imagine the friends I would make, the tears of sadness or hysterics you would make me cry, the way I would feel like a better mother for spending time online consuming everything you've written about teething, breastfeeding, tantrums, making sacrifices, watching your babies sleep and falling in love with them every day in a million ways. Blogging -- mainly reading your blogs -- has been a lifesaver and something that keeps me going especially on days when nothing good seems to be happening or when nothing seems to please my high-energy, strong-willed but kind-hearted Fly.

As he grew more independent, last year I started another parenting blog more about our region of the world, as many of you know. (Hi, dual readers!) It has been great to have another place to write about being a mama, Fly's antics or just everyday life. That blog has surprisingly taken on a life of its own, earning me a "Blog of the Day" award from my local newspaper and especially the Nickelodeon Parent's Picks Awards nomination for our region.

Blogging here and there has been fun but also challenging. It's been hard to keep up with who knows me from which blog, how frequently have I posted where and what I said where. I know I've confused more than one of you with my split blog personality. With my baby coming less than a month from now, I know I will want to give him or her -- and JP and Fly -- my attention and not just sit at the computer. That wouldn't make for good blogging anyway.

So I decided Growing A Life will be my more personal blog -- which it already is. I probably won't post as often, but this is where I'll have baby pictures! And Fly photos! And more private news to share. So this blog isn't going anywhere. I'm too sentimental to banish my first love.

If you want to follow me to the other blog, though, I'd be so happy. Hope you'll stop by.

Overdue thanks

2009-05-30T15:19:00.000-05:00

I feel bad that I don't think I ever mentioned a couple of bloggy contests I won earlier this year!

From Tracey at Just Another Mommy Blog, I won a coupon for a free meal at Sweet Tomatoes, a nice, casual salad bar-type restaurant that serves healthy, fresh food. Fly loves it, too.

And from Heather at Cool Zebras (through her Zoo Review blog), I won a MilkBank breast milk storage and feeding system. This will be handy if the little Junebug is as good a nurser as Fly was.

Just last week, I also won a Curly Hair Solutions kit from Stephanie at Metropolitan Mama. Every once in a while, I let my hair stay curly.

I feel so lucky!

Umm.... I didn't miss anyone, did I?

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Carolina Herrera Jr.

2009-05-27T11:44:00.000-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: a perfect outfit like the one Carolina Herrera Jr. is wearing in this photo from the holiday issue of defunct Domino magazine. This magazine was the only one worth flipping through on a recent OB/GYN appointment. (Yes, I said recent. The issue was five months old. My doctor's waiting room has replaced all the magazines with flat-screen TVs, apparently. Gah! I'm a magazine junkie, people! Where else am I going to have child-free time to flip through magazines I don't get at home? You're slowly killing me with an illiterate death!) I figured because the mag was so old, no one would care if I took it home. Then I scanned in this amazing photo of the famous designer's daughter.

What I think is so amazing about the photo is despite the grand home behind her, Carolina could be anybody's mom. That could be any woman in my town carrying a baby and holding the hand of her toddler, walking down the driveway to get the mail or paper.

Of course, for the purpose of WIWW, I love what she's wearing. Simple jeans. A basic white shirt. A necklace or maybe two. Undone hair. But she still looks put together. She could wear that outfit just about anywhere, for almost any regular-mom occasion. I imagine she even smells good. Maybe in a few years I will even make this my uniform, or at least my go-to outfit. Everyone needs something to aspire to.

Are there any outfits / looks / clothing or accessory items you aspire to?

Home

2009-05-26T15:27:00.022-05:00

Before the rain started up and kept on going right into the night, Fly and I went outside to plant a few flowers. He picked them out himself at the nursery -- red salvias, good for attracting butterflies. Excellent choice.

I asked him if he wanted to plant the flowers with me, and he happily followed me outside. I told him we had to dig holes in the dirt to put the flowers in. Fly chose a gardening tool and began to dig in the dirt near me. He uncovered some kind of larva, which scuttled away -- he wanted me to help him "rescue" the bug, and before long we couldn't see the dirt-loving creature anymore.

Digging a few holes was slow going for me. At 36 weeks now, it's hard for me to bend over for long periods of time. And it was hot. I'd dig for a while, stand up, wipe my brow, ask Fly how his digging was going and talk to him about plants. He got impatient and abandoned our effort. He looked for sticks, picked up fallen leaves, wanted to play with the children next door and was sad when they made only a brief appearance outside to get in their car and go somewhere with their mom.

"I want a different home," Fly said suddenly.

"You want a different home?" I asked. When I'm not sure what Fly is saying, I usually repeat it to make sure I understand him.

"I want that home over there," he said, pointing to the one next door where four children live. The family moved in about six months ago, found mold throughout the house and basically had to reconstruct it from scratch, top to bottom, inside and out. So basically, their house is brand new and looks amazing. Everyone is super nice, but we haven't really gotten to know the new neighbors yet.

Planting a few red flowers in the front yard -- and feeling I was doing a pretty lame job at that -- I felt sad Fly wanted a different home despite trying to make ours the best we can. I wanted to stop my digging and planting because I knew a few flowers couldn't measure up to a beautiful home full of children. And dogs.

It doesn't help that for weeks Fly has been saying, "I want to go home." When we are already home. When he is in his room -- when he is in his bed. How could you be any more at home than when you are in your own bed?

I know he's only two and a half and still learning to put together his thoughts and express himself through language, but it makes me worry. It makes me feel inadequate as a mother. How have I failed to provide Fly with the feeling of having a home and being home? What is he missing that makes him want to "be home" or have a different home? What will he think when the baby arrives and turns our home tospy-turvy for a while?

Fly didn't want to help me put the flowers in the holes once I had dug them, didn't want to help water them as he usually would and he seemed relieved to finally go back inside when we were done.

I was relieved, too, to leave the flowers outside in their own new home -- but wondered if they would be as unsatisfied as Fly seems to be.

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Wedding-guest wear

2009-05-20T07:05:00.002-05:00

Today's What I'd Wear Wednesday comes from Lane at Mommylog, who just had a baby two months ago. (Check out the Bustin' out Babies list!). She shows you can be a new mom and have great style.

- - - - -

I will be attending a wedding in Charleston, S.C. coming up in a week and half. We live in Minnesota and this is my first trip with 2 kids in tow. I am trying to think simple and polished. I have been looking at dresses, that travel well and I can easily nurse my 8 week old baby gal in. The wedding is taking place on a Friday night. I think black or navy would work for the occasion. Here is what I have found thus far.

This dress from Macy's seems like a good pick, it should cover up my "problem areas" and still is hip.

Dress by Shabby Apple. I love everything Shabby Apple! If you have not checked out their site or looks you are missing out. This dress is one of my favorites and called the tuxedo dress seems like a perfect pick for a special event.

Finally, because I really want a maxi dress, I had to find a cute one to possibly wear to the wedding. It is from forever 21.

In reality, I will end up wearing some pants and a cute top that I can lift up. I am in love with this ruffle top. I think it will be the best option for the circumstances.

35-week belly bump

2009-05-19T23:37:00.002-05:00

Me and the baby after a shower, so you get to see me with my hair in a lazy half-bun. Yay, you.

Am I naturally that pink and just have a tan everywhere besides my belly? Or is that one super-pink baby belly?

I almost forgot to post this! The time is flying by. I've been posting belly photos every five weeks (starting at week 20). With that schedule, the next time you might see the actual baby!

Haircut -- THE haircut

2009-05-14T07:15:00.001-05:00

This was my little boy yesterday.

When he had cute little surfer-boy hair trimmed by me only a few times.

I know he needed a real haircut, though. Even though he was quite unhappy about it.

Quite unhappy.

Unfortunately, the stylist didn't speak English as a first language, and I'm not sure she understood what I wanted. But I am sure I've seen this haircut on middle-aged women -- full on top, tapered on the bottom.

Hair grows back, right?

Oh Happy Day -- a music giveaway!

2009-05-13T14:58:00.001-05:00

I remember the first time I heard a song by Jonny Lang. I was with a group of co-workers in a car going to lunch. (It feels like a million years ago.)

"Oh, this is that guy!" one of them said. "He's 16 years old."

"Sixteen?!" someone else said. "It sounds like he's been smoking and drinking Jack for 40 years."

I was intrigued and had to check him out -- a 16-year-old blues singer. Jonny Lang was popular that year. Since then, JP and I have seen him in concert a couple times. We also ended up buying all of his CDs, including his most recent, a gospel album, Turn Around.

So it wasn't a surprise when I found out Jonny Lang and several other artists have worked with gospel choirs to put together Oh Happy Day: An All-Star Music Celebration, which was given to me to review. But I was surprised to see a few of the others on the list, like 3 Doors Down and Jon Bon Jovi! Michael McDonald, Queen Latifah (who sings the title track), Robert Randolph, Al Green and Joss Stone are also on the album, which includes songs like People Get Ready, This Little Light of Mine and Bob Marley's Redemption Song. Some songs, like Jonny Lang's and Michael McDonald's, are filled with passion and energy, and others -- like Queen Latifah's -- are peaceful and calming songs. All of them are what I like to call feel-good songs! You can listen to the songs here.

If you like gospel or any of the headlining artists, Oh Happy Day is a great addition (oops! I almost typed addiction!) to your collection and can be found at iTunes, Amazon and Walmart.

The nice folks at EMI Music/Vector Recordings who provided the review copy also gave me a copy to give away! If you'd like to win, leave a comment mentioning your favorite gospel song or artist, or your favorite song by one of the headlining artists. I'll pick a winner randomly on Friday.

Update: Random.org chose the number 1, and Chelle was the first commenter, so she wins the CD!

Passed down from Mom

2009-05-09T13:50:00.006-05:00

Today is my mother's birthday. And tomorrow, of course, is Mother's Day. (Every so often, her birthday and Mother's Day are on the same day.)

She and my sister are here from out of state for a visit, so I get to treat them both a little bit. I have a little surprise planned for her tonight, actually!

I have briefly blogged here before about the ups and downs in my relationship with my mother, Cammy. When I was young, she wasn't especially interested in active parenting. My grandmother took care of me until she died. As soon as I was old enough by state law, I went to live with my dad.

For about 12 years, Cammy and I didn't communicate. Then after the Sept. 11 attacks, I got a letter from my sister. She broke the ice for Cammy and me. We slowly started get to know each other again. I learned about the healing power of forgiveness. My mother and I will probably never have a super close mother/daughter relationship, but we enjoy getting together a few times a year (despite the distance). We can laugh and have a good time together. There's definitely love there.

What's remarkable to me is that despite our troubles and our long time spent apart, when my mother and I (and my sister) are together, we laugh about how similar we are to one another. Even if my mother was often short on nurture when I was growing up, the nature aspect of parenting has definitely come through.

Physically, I'm a taller, darker-colored version of my mother. (Why couldn't I have gotten her pale green eyes? "Green eyes aren't photogenic," she once told me.) I have her broad shoulders, plump toes and unruly hair. I'm just now starting to recognize something of her voice in mine -- the sound as well as the expressions. We like a lot of the same foods.

Even though our personalities are different, it's a comfort to me to know someone is a bit similar to me and understands me (which I often didn't get from my stepmother). A feeling of belonging -- no matter how faint -- is a loving thing to pass on to your child. And that's what I have with Cammy.

- - - - -

This post is part of the Parent Bloggers Network Mother's Day Blog Blast sponsored by JOHNSON'S. Their second annual Celebrity Hand Me Down charity auction runs from 7 pm PT on Thursday May 7 through 7 pm PT on Thursday May 14, featuring items donated by celebrity moms Gwyneth Paltrow and Jessica Alba. All proceeds will benefit the new global JOHNSON'S® NO MORE TEARS® Clean Water initiative via their well-known charitable giving site, Baby Cause.

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Stylish but lazy

2009-05-06T22:45:00.007-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: these scrumptious tie-dye sandals from Victoria's Secret.

I haven't had the time, desire or inclination to go looking for any fashion goodies lately. I am lazy. But when catalogs keep coming in the mail, I still can't tear my eyes away. Even when I know I won't be able to wear most of the stuff for months.

However, I have found myself staring at these shoes probably a dozen times. They make me crave rainbow sherbet. And I hate sherbet. With a four-inch heel, they're a bit out of my comfort zone right now. Priced at $125, they're also out of my budget. I wouldn't spend this much on a pair of shoes ... but a mama can dream.

The same VS catalog also had this tasty-looking tee:

I love everything about it: the spicy color, the fun studs, the perfect pleating, the loose sleeves and especially the loose middle. With about six weeks of pregnancy left, I am all about a loose middle (and actually will have a loose middle. Abs of steel? Right!)

The fun Alloy catalog also arrived and had me looking over these:

I could actually wear these seashell sandals. And they're $30.

The three-tier look of this necklace is so fun. It's the kind of jangly thing I couldn't possibly wear once the baby can start grabbing things like jewelry and hair ... I guess I figure it would be cool to wear something like this now while I can.

So even though I am lazy and -- ahem -- living large, it's fun to window shop.

More new babies

2009-05-05T20:49:00.002-05:00

And the babies just keep on coming! I was way behind in updating the Bustin' Out Babies list. There are four delicious new babies, though -- feel free to check them out!

There are only two moms left on the list who haven't given birth yet -- me, and then Chelle. So if you're expecting and want to be on the list, please let me know. Or if you know someone who's about to have or adopt a baby, please send them my way.

A more simple joy

2009-05-03T17:07:00.005-05:00

Artist's self-portrait

As I reflect on the past week and the simple joys it brought, I find I am still amazed at this little boy who wasn't even a being three years ago. There was no child in our house for almost 12 years, and then he appeared "from a little dust and a little rain."

And it's going to happen again, next month -- a baby born out of a miracle, out of love.

I feel guilty on the days I am too tired or sick or achy or pregnant to play with Fly the way he deserves. But I'm thankful for days when I have the energy to do fun things with him.

Splash!

I feel guilty for not blogging or reading blogs because I just can't, but then I remind myself, once again, this is supposed to be fun and not another chore hanging over my head.

So I take whatever I can get out of each day, and go with that. Each day is a blessing, and you can't get a more simple joy than that.

Look -- something shiny!

2009-04-27T22:32:00.004-05:00

In the hopes of distracting you from realizing how neglectful I've been of this blog ... oh, darn! It's too late, you say? Eh. Great. Oh well. I can't even call this a reward for reading so faithfully. So this isn't a distraction, and it's not a reward. But it's something.

Please excuse my messy office and stupid voice.

Full-on ramble

2009-04-23T08:18:00.003-05:00

- I can't seem to find a quarter of the things on my list when I go to a store lately. Not just food shopping, but places like Target or the craft store. I'm not looking for hard-to-find items. Has the recession made stores stop carrying stuff? I guess we'll know when people start fighting over the last package of toilet paper (er, "bathroom tissue" if you're fancy).

- My health insurance company asked me to enroll in a healthy-pregnancy program that would give me access to a nurse on the phone around the clock. It sounded good until they kept calling and leaving messages, and then when I would return the calls and be on hold for three minutes, I'd hang up. And the process would start over again. When I actually got to talk to someone to find out what they wanted, it was a guy asking me questions about very private parts, and I told him I wanted out of the program. Two weeks later, they sent me a $50 gift card and a guidebook to pregnancy. I hurried and spent the money before they realized what had happened . . . .

- Related to that, I am running out of patience lately. Or at least, I don't seem to have a great tolerance for Fly's shenanigans. The past few days of terrible-two behavior have had me greatly stressing. And I had myself a little meltdown yesterday. JP was there for me. He came home early and told me to get out of the house for a little while. I love him. Marriage definitely has its perks. He didn't even blink when I told him I'd send him a postcard.

- By the way, does anyone know how to get a two-and-a-half-year-old to listen and do what he's told?

- Specifically, not to run away from me and make me chase him and then carry him bodily back to where he needs to be? My pregnant body just isn't up for that anymore. This is how fast I have to run to catch up to him:

- And because today is Take Your Child to Work Day, I think it would be a splendid idea for JP to do just that.

- A friend told me crushed Cap'n Crunch cereal was good to coat chicken with before you bake it. Another friend said wheat germ was good too. So I bought both. Guess which one I've already had two bowls full of?

- Speaking of Cap'n Crunch, have you looked at the box lately? Doesn't it seem as though the company has "Sponge Bob-ized" the look of all the characters? Everyone looks stark raving mad.

- I am thinking about getting my hair cut. As in, seriously shortened. I've had short hair three times in my life. See my blog header? My hair isn't that long. But it has been. However, I just don't have time for it. Or patience. (See above.) And when the baby comes, it will probably look like a rat's nest unless I cut it to a length I can maintain because it is inhumanely thick (I get it thinned once or twice a year) and curly (but not in a good way). I just do not want to turn my hair into a hobby.

- So what's a good style for a hexagon-shaped face?

- We were going to go away this weekend to use tickets to a water theme park we bought before the Junebug came into being. Now we have about a month to use the tickets before they expire, and I am forbidden from going down any water slides while pregnant even though it is one of the most fun things to do in the world. (Yes, I am 11 years old.) Our plan was to drive there Friday night, play in the water on Saturday and come home Sunday. But we had to buy a new water heater unexpectedly. And a car-repair bill cost about 40% more than estimated. Now our dishwasher is broken. And we have to pay the doula. So two nights at a hotel would be financially irresponsible. If I could just talk JP into driving there and back on the same day, then we wouldn't need a hotel . . . .

- Actually, it might be easier to talk myself out of thinking it would be fun to heft my big, lazy body around a place where a bunch of skinny people were walking around and having a great time on the water slides. ("That should be me . . . sob!") Yeah, maybe not the best way to spend a Saturday.

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Blue

2009-04-22T07:23:00.000-05:00

Today's What I'd Wear Wednesday comes from Tatiana at It Was A Very Good Year. She is a graduate of the Bustin' Out Babies list after recently having a beautiful daughter, and she has some great picks below. Enjoy!

- - - - -

Since I just had a baby girl, my house is flooded with pink. Pink onesies, blankets, shoes, carseat cover, wall paint -- you name it, I've got it. So naturally, I'd wear... blue!

I haven't worn heels since somewhere in the middle of my pregnancy, an experience made harrowing by the fact that, you know, I had a baby belly... and it was raining. But if I were to put on a heel now, it'd be these adorable Gabriella Rocha "Chrisella" ones from Zappos.com:

This silky cami top from AE has me salivating:

I worry that the shiny fabric would highlight my post-baby belly chub, so I'd grab this great Nixxi ruffled top at Mudshark Streetwear:

What about a stylish bag? I love bags with silver accents like this Sabina O Ring Satchel from Urban Outfitters:

And you can't have blue without a sexy pair of jeans. I have curvy hips, so I'd balance them out with this great wide-leg style from Free People:

Working at the car wash

2009-04-20T22:33:00.004-05:00

(Turns out I'm not the only one with a kid drawn to buckets the moment you're looking the other way.)

Paper and sign by Baers Garten. Photo mask by Kylie M Designs. Bubbles by Kristin Aagard. Alpha by Ziggle.

Talk about talk

2009-04-17T16:14:00.013-05:00

Believe it or not, at one time in my life, I considered studying for an advanced degree in linguistics. Language, semantics, alphabets and how people communicate have always fascinated me.

I'm also fascinated by chocolate. But . . . you know.

At the time, though, it seemed options for linguistics people were teaching (on a community college or university level) or research (images of teaching sign language to gorillas came to mind). Neither path was my cuppa joe.

But later, I realized linguistics researchers also study how children learn language. And that did grab my attention.

Even before I considered becoming a mom, I enjoyed talking with toddlers and preschoolers. The way they speak is so free -- they don't know all the language rules, they haven't learned the words for everything and they aren't constrained by colloquialisms. They usually don't even know what's appropriate to say. Their whole thought process for getting across what they want to express is unhindered by the language conventions we learn as we get older. That kind of freedom of mind and tongue is amazing to think about. Here are people who communicate from their own unique, brand-new, fresh perspective on the world.

Today is the first day I realized Fly is really and truly talking. Not just a few phrases he has learned. Not just yes-or-no answers to my questions. Not just to say the alphabet, count, or point out shapes or colors. Fly formulates his own ideas, asks questions, tells me what he wants (or more likely, what he doesn't want) and narrates what he is doing.

Fly is talking!

Not only is my munchkin now a walking, talking child I can have an actual conversation with, but I get to experience that freedom of mind and tongue I so admire.

I feel so lucky.

And yet . . . .

My adult mind is already wondering how I'm going to put up with constant little-people chatter!

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Accessories

2009-04-15T11:22:00.003-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: this cute Mayan necklace from Eddie Bauer.

(I know. I said I wasn't going to do a weekly WIWW post unless I was inspired. I couldn't stay away this week.)

This catalog came in the mail, and my thoughtful JP flipped through it and tagged some items for me he thought I might be able to wear in a large size. Isn't that sweet? While looking for his tagged pages, I found this necklace, which shows the symbol for "spirit." "Fire" and "water" are also available. I'm not even sure why I like this necklace -- it just grabbed me.

Then I discovered this cuff cuff (my name for it) online, from Free People:

Once again, I don't know why I like it. I just do.

Guess I'm at the point in my pregnancy when I start looking at accessories instead of clothes!

30-week belly bump

2009-04-14T22:52:00.002-05:00

I'm so sorry this is all you get. I felt super sick today, and there's no way I was about to show my face.

I'm also sorry this is all you get, because super friend Guinny and I conspired to have her photograph me on the beach, but it didn't work out. Very soon, I hope . . . .

Yesterday was my last appointment with the genetic counselor. My little Junebug still has a bright spot on the heart. But again, the doctor doesn't seem to be concerned because everything else looks normal -- as far as you can tell by an ultrasound. The baby measured big, too, at three and a half pounds (78 percentile, supposedly), so I guess I'm doing something right. (Although my OB said ultrasound measurements can be off by as much as a pound.)

The best part is JP and I got to see the baby's face. Sort of. If I can wrangle the pictures from the proud papa, I will try to post one . . . .

Happy Easter

2009-04-11T22:03:00.002-05:00

Hope you have a happy Easter filled with lots of blessings!

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Bright sweaters

2009-04-08T23:31:00.004-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: a bright sweater like maybe this starfish sweater from Boston Proper. I love me some sea creature motifs. (My friend Missy went to Cancun a few weeks ago and brought me back a silver turtle pendant. Sweet!) It's been cool here the past couple of days, and it's likely my last chance to break out my measly stash of sweaters (which don't fit me anymore anyway) for the next eight months.

Except the lines on this sweater are going the wrong way.

I avoid horizontal stripes.

So BP has this other bright sweater:

Ah, bueno! The stripes are going the right way.

- - - - -

After almost two and a half years of faithfully posting What I'd Wear Wednesday, I think I will take a break. If I feel inspired, I'll post, but maybe just not every week. If you'd like to guest post, please let me know.

What I didn't know about motherhood

2009-04-07T08:18:00.007-05:00

Did anyone see the "Secret Lives of Moms" show on Oprah yesterday? There was some blogger and Twitter buzz about it because Dooce appeared on the show. (Dooce, the blogger and writer who needs no introduction or explanation -- she was on Oprah because of her blog! And her book.)

I don't watch Oprah much, but I tried to catch a bit of the show yesterday. Moms were confessing things they have done and talking about how hard motherhood is and how they sometimes feel like failures. And it seemed a good part of the show was about how no one tells you stuff like this is going to happen before you become a mom.

I might have mentioned here before that a friend tried to warn me about some of motherhood's rougher areas -- but she did it at my baby shower. Where everyone was happy. Where people were talking about Fly with excitement. Where I was opening gift after sweetly wrapped gift. Where I likely had a sugar high.

That's not a good time to tell the mom-to-be, "You know, motherhood is tough. Sometimes your baby won't sleep, and so you won't sleep, either, and that alone can make you go crazy. A baby can put a strain on your marriage. Have you and JP talked about this?" That kind of thing. My friend caught me off guard. I tried -- but probably failed -- to appear interested in what she was saying while giving her non-replies.

Thinking back to my baby shower, and thinking about yesterday's Oprah show, I wonder if it really would have made a difference if my friend had tried to talk to me in a different time or place. Every one of us moms might have a "I wish had known about" list in our minds when it comes to being a mom.

But I'm not sure if it would have mattered if my friend had taken a different tack with me. I think some things you have to learn on your own, from experience -- and I think motherhood is probably one of them. Of course, having some knowledge beforehand can prepare you on one level, but living it day to day? I don't think anyone can really prepare you for that.

I had read breastfeeding is actually hard. But I didn't know in Fly's first several weeks that I would come to dread every time he had to eat because it made me cry in pain.

I knew I would lose sleep. Duh. But I didn't know sleep deprivation does nasty things to your mind and your personality.

I knew I wouldn't have much time for myself. But I didn't know that would mean my skin would feel like it was crawling after three days without a shower, or that I would feel invisible passing beautiful young women in the store, or that part of me would be desperate to travel a couple hours away to snorkel, hike or look for birds.

I knew JP and I would need to adjust to being a threesome with our Flybaby after having been just the two of us since we met each other at 15. But I didn't realize I would have rather uncharitable thoughts toward JP because his life hasn't seemed to have changed as much as mine and because I still get jealous of him whenever he's sick because he goes straight to bed and just lies there until he's better (which I can't do).

I had a mild notion that it could be hard to stay home with a baby all day, but I didn't know even two and a half years later that every day I wrack my brain to answer, "What am I going to do with this child all day?"

Motherhood is too big of a life change to be prepared and ready to tackle everything that comes at you. And as your child grows, new challenges come at you all the time. I was just talking with a friend last night -- an "experienced mom" -- who says worrying over your kids can get worse after they have left the house and started their own families.

Once a mom, always a mom.

So while I think it's definitely helpful to clue in a mom-to-be with the realities of what it's like to be a mom, I don't think anyone can expect to really know what they're getting into. Each child is different, anyway. The only way to work motherhood is just jump in there and do what has to be done for your individual child. We each write our own manual by day-to-day parenting.

And maybe that's the ultimate advice for moms-to-be: be prepared, get advice or help. And write your own mama script every day.

At the egg hunt

2009-04-04T23:24:00.000-05:00

Made with Scrap Girls frames, Ellie Lash splatter and eggs, word art and ribbon unknown

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Chain halter

2009-04-01T22:19:00.008-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: a chain halter top like maybe this one from Michael Michael Kors, found at Macy's. It was hot today. In fact, Fly got hurt briefly by the metal buckle of his car seat because it was so hot.

I walked through Macy's this week (note: that is different from saying I shopped there, or I went to the store on purpose, because really I just had to pick up something at the mall really quick and the parking was good at Macy's, and besides the salespeople kind of hate us because Fly takes advantage of the store's good acoustics and high ceilings by squealing loudly), and I noticed a green-and-white-print chain halter on display near the front of the store. The top looked kind of loose, and I wondered if a large size would fit me.

I stopped at the wondering.

But the chain makes the simple shape of the halter interesting, and sort of acts like jewelry too, don't you think?

Here's another chain halter I found, by Milly, at Bloomingdale's (I think).

These tops are likely meant to be dressy-casual chic -- and for sure they have more style oomph than a regular tank top -- but I'd still wear them with shorts and sandals and just go on with my day.

Health, showers, friends and other joys

2009-03-29T21:25:00.005-05:00

Dealing with pregnancy fatigue and still dealing with a head cold (week three -- this bug has stamina!), I have an embarrassing amount of e-mails to respond to and an obscene number of posts in my reader that I couldn't possibly catch up on. I haven't been on Twitter in about a week. I had great plans for the Ultimate Blog Party including daily visits to the chat room I set up and additional giveaways (Jodifur won the Mothers & Children book). But they went the way of good intentions.

Despite my sorry physical state, I'm thankful for good general health -- for me and my family. Sometimes, I think being sick really makes you appreciate your health.

I appreciate being able to take a shower. For some reason, it occurred to me this week that I'm fortunate because my simple, quick shower routine is probably like a spa treatment to many people in the world.

I'm thankful for my real-life friends and mom posse, and also for my blog buddies. They -- you -- really prop me up.

I'm relieved every time someone greets me and doesn't comment on my expanding body size.

These are just some of the simple joys I discovered this week.

It's the parents who are the problem

2009-03-28T15:21:00.027-05:00

Sooner or later, I guess, every parent faces this situation: what do you do when another person -- someone you don't even know -- disciplines your child?

JP was occupied today with moving his workshop, so I looked for fun things to do with Fly. I found pony rides at a nearby park. We got in a long line and waited as several children from a birthday party had their turn. Eventually, I couldn't hold Fly any more. I set him down, and Fly got antsy waiting in line. He swung the gate back and forth (I made him stop when he started swinging it too hard) and he tried to climb over the fence (I made him stop climbing at the bottom rung of the fence so he wouldn't fall over or step in front of a pony).

Then he took up playing in the sand in the corner near a little girl of at least 4. Drawing lines with his finger and sifting handfuls of sand were fine, I figured, and he wasn't bothering anybody.

The next thing I know, the little girl whose parents were in line just ahead of me walked past, and Fly follows her with handfuls of sand.

The dad standing next to me grabbed Fly -- with both hands -- and yelled, "Knock it off!"

!!!!!!!!!

"Don't talk to my child that way!" I said, snatching Fly back from the guy.

"He's throwing sand at my daughter," the man said.

"He didn't throw sand. He's holding sand, but he didn't throw it."

"Just because you didn't see it doesn't mean he didn't to it," the man said.

"Believe me, if I see my child acting up, I'm the first one to step in," I said.

"You need to control your child!"

"Oh, thank you," I said, "I never thought of that before."

"Look, my daughter's shirt is dirty. If he wasn't throwing sand, then how did it get dirty?"

"She was playing in the sand, too," I said.

"No, she wasn't."

"You need to apologize," the mom finally piped up.

"Yeah, you need to apologize," the dad said.

"No, you need to apologize for treating my child that way," I said.

A few seconds later, I heard the dad mutter, "It's the parents who are the problem."

I could have responded to that a dozen different ways, but I just decided to drop it. I'm sure we'd already made quite a scene in the pony ride line.

So, truly, Fly did not throw sand during or after the time their daughter walked past me. And if the parents had seen Fly throwing sand before their daughter walked by, then why didn't they speak up immediately when the two of them were still in the corner -- why did they wait until Fly was in front of us? I'm not convinced they saw him throwing sand.

If the parents had taken a less confrontational approach, I might have apologized for Fly. After all, I told myself later, if a friend told me Fly had misbehaved while I wasn't looking for a moment, I would have said I was sorry and spoken with Fly about what he'd done.

But do not grab my child and yell at him, especially when it's clear you don't really know if he did what you accuse him of doing.

Fly ended up not wanting to go for a pony ride. He didn't want to sit on the pony. He didn't even want to touch the pony. All the waiting in line, and the drama, for nothing.

So we went to the playground, where Fly took up playing in the sand (again) with some toys that belonged to another child. I asked the parents if it was OK for him to play with the toys, and they told me yes and remarked how polite Fly was and how nicely he was sharing. That made me feel tons better.

I just don't know how some people feel they have the right to police other people's kids by laying hands on them and yelling at them.

So what should I do next time a Parent Cop confronts Fly so I can handle the situation more gracefully? Have you ever been in a situation like this?

What I'd Wear Wednesday: drapey

2009-03-25T08:17:00.004-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: this fabulous halter from Ralph Lauren. I think I could wear this even though I'm pregnant. The halter is full and drapey over the tummy. It's long enough to cover up the few dreaded belly-panel pants and shorts I have (for lack of nothing else to wear) or to cover up the under-the-belly-style bottoms.

I also like the colorful blooms. This halter looks tropical and makes me think of warm, carefree days. (Someone tell me carefree days do come back sooner or later, right? Right?) I'd wear it with white pants like the model or possibly as a swimsuit coverup.

If you'd like to guest post for WIWW, please let me know.

Ugh.

2009-03-24T16:36:00.005-05:00

If your second trimester is supposed to be your energetic trimester, then I am doomed once the home stretch arrives in a couple weeks.

I'm just so tired lately that I often don't even want to think about doing anything. I keep going, though, mostly for Fly's sake, and also because I hope Newton's Law of Motion with all that stuff about inertia applies to pregnant women. You know, bodies in motion tend to stay in motion and all that. Because this body just wants to lie down or sit at every opportunity.

It's also hard when like a fourth of your weight is sticking out in front of you and seems to double every week or so, and you feel like your stomach is going to split open if you just move the wrong way.

I know all of this isn't anything generations of pregnant women haven't endured as well. I just feel like whining, I guess. Forgive me.

And now I feel like going back to resting....

There's a party going on right here

2009-03-20T00:05:00.000-05:00

Hey. I heard there was a little party going on.

OK, a it's a pretty big weeklong party. Online. I think online parties are a tricky thing because you don't have the same, um, interpersonal dynamic. But the good thing is you don't have to worry about how to break the ice. Nope, you just jump right in. And it doesn't matter what you're wearing. It's totally come-as-you-are. When you're ready to leave, you don't have to come up with an awkward excuse to go.

So, welcome to my little corner of the party! If you're a regular, thanks for putting up with my insanity.

If you're stopping by here for the first time, thanks for the visit. I'm the mom of a toddler with a baby due in June. I keep a running list of expectant bloggers. (Wanna add yourself?) I write a style post on Wednesdays. Sometimes I'm sentimental. But sometimes I'm not.

I've set up a chat room for the duration of the party. Please stop by! I may or may not be around, but maybe you'll find others. If you come and chat, please leave the link to your blog so everyone can check it out! I will try to visit everyone who comes to the chat room and leaves a link, even if it's after your visit.

If this was a real-world party, everyone would get free drinks. Or a goody bag of some kind to take home. You know, some swag. I have a giveaway, but only one person can win, unfortunately. Today, I posted a review of a beautiful photo book by National Geographic, Mothers & Children, which just came out this week. Want to win it? Please read the review and come back here to comment. To make it interesting, comment on the most extraordinary thing your mother did for you, the best advice she gave you -- or on what you hope your children will learn from you. I'll randomly select a winner next Friday.

Have fun trolling the party circuit this week -- hope you'll stop by the chat room.

Mothers & Children

2009-03-20T00:01:00.001-05:00

Mothers in different parts of the world look different from one another. They raise their children with different expectations and customs. They feed their children different foods. But all mothers share the joy of having a bond with their children. And I believe we all want what is best for our kids.

The new National Geographic book Mothers & Children celebrates this most basic human relationship with photos of moms and their kids from all over the world. We see a mother and her daughter laughing in Suriname, a child sleeping in a sling on his mother's back in Botswana as she submerses herself in water, a mother in Iceland pushing her baby in a pram across the ice and a mom in Indiana breastfeeding her toddler while driving a farm tractor. True to National Geographic's style, all of the photos show real, everyday life -- they're not posed studio portraits -- which is the nature of motherhood, after all. I keep wanting to look at the photos again and again.

Among the rich photos are short essays on mothers as well as quotes like "Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; A mother's secret hope outlives them all." (Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Mothers & Children is a perfect gift book for Mother's Day or for a mom as a new-baby present.

Getting ready for some fun

2009-03-19T14:40:00.002-05:00

There's a little weeklong event coming up this week you've probably heard about. Please come back here tomorrow for the Ultimate Blog Party! I'll have a giveaway. There are also lots of other giveaways going on. I'm also going to have a chatroom open. I'll have all the details tomorrow!

What I'd Wear Wednesday: tattoo tees

2009-03-18T21:14:00.006-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: a comfy maternity T-shirt with a cool design, like this one from Babies N Bellies.

There are some nice, flowy, non-maternity-sized blouses ~~on my floor~~ in my closet that still fit. And I love wearing them. But some days, I don't feel like being flowy. Sometimes, you just want to kick back and wear regular clothes along with the hoi polloi. Am I right? I have some non-maternity tees that do the trick, but, um, well, only two of them fit now. And they're closing in.

I like the tattoo-style tees because they look comfortable, but they have some attitude.

Here's one from Eva Lillian:

And a non-tattoo tee that's still very rockin' from Babies N Bellies:

Is this model even pregnant?!

Notice I didn't say much about bottoms today. My maternity pants and shorts are not friends....

New babies

2009-03-16T15:39:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to point out there have been a lot of babies being born around the blogosphere in the past few weeks. I just updated the Bustin' Out Babies list.

Are you expecting, or do you know someone who is expecting? Add your pregnancy or adoption by e-mailing me at growingalife at gmail dot com.

Creatures great and small

2009-03-15T22:09:00.004-05:00

Being knocked flat on your fanny for more than a week by some microorganisms sure has a way of putting things into perspective. It's hard to be thankful for the simple joys in life when you are suffering in misery.

But then, I should know how small creatures can take over your life.

In the case of Fly and the little Junebug, a full-on life invasion is a good thing -- and I'm thankful.

A diaper? A cake? A diaper cake!

2009-03-13T15:54:00.005-05:00

Look what came in the mail for me today!

It's a beautiful diaper cake from Diaper Cakewalk! Isn't it pretty? The owner knows I'm not finding out the sex of my baby, so she sent me a gender-neutral diaper cake. Thank you! I'm still sick, so this was a nice highlight in my day.

I've truly never seen diaper cakes up close and personal before, so this was a cool gift to receive. And I can see that it would make a great new baby gift for someone. I am thinking this would be fun for the daughter of a friend who just found out she's expecting her first baby. It would make a cute centerpiece at a baby shower.

Look at the cute bunnies! The top one is a pacifier holder, the middle one is a wrist rattle and the big rabbit on the bottom plays a song when you press its chest.

The diapers are two different sizes of Pampers. Very clever. It's almost too pretty to use!

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Spring

2009-03-11T16:07:00.012-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: Some fresh spring styles. By reading posts from around the blogosphere, some of you have been lucky enough to get a taste of spring weather already. But many of you have gotten extra helpings of Old Man Winter in recent weeks and can't believe you'll ever thaw out. Either way, spring does officially start in a couple weeks, so . . . there's something to look forward to.

As I did last fall, I thought I'd do a roundup of trends I've noticed. This isn't the complete spring trend list or some kind of fashion forecast like I know what I am talking about. Just some fun things to mention.

The thing that gets me every spring is I read somewhere that florals and soft/feminine/romantic looks are in style. Well, no kidding. They are every spring. They usually say nautical looks are in for spring too. Every single year.

With that in mind, it's true -- ruffles seem popular. They can be sweet:

Ann Taylor Loft ruffle top

Or sassy:

Bebe ruffle cami

Skirts are on the full side, whether just at the knee:

Charlotte Russe cutout skirt

Below the knee:

Lauren Ralph Lauren dot-print skirt

Or well above it:

Kensie watercolor skirt

But slim, tailored pencil skirts are also very big.

Speaking of big, the maxi is still going strong:

Victoria's Secret maxi dress

New York and Company maxi dress

Pants seem to run the gamut from really slouchy . . .

Victoria's Secret beach pant

Calvin Klein cropped cargo pants

To tailored, but wide-legged . . .

Victoria's Secret Marisa pant

Michael Michael Kors wide-leg jeans

To skinny, hitting above the ankle and paired with some substantial shoes:

DKNYC zipper-ankle pants

BCBGeneration ankle skinny pants

Speaking of shoes, they seem to have more substance to them -- like they're more there:

Anthropologie crowd pleaser wedges

Nine West papoose pump

American Eagle espadrilles

And I've seen a lot of drawstring bags, or at least bags that look as though they have a drawstring:

Michael Michael Kors satchel

Aeropostale drawstring bag

All-white outfits are popular in some stores, but bright colors really seem to stand out this spring -- even fluorescent colors, if you want to go that bright. (Hello again, 1984!)

What are you looking forward to wearing this spring?

If you want to be a guest WIWW poster in the coming weeks, please let me know!

25-week belly bump

2009-03-10T06:59:00.003-05:00

The baby is a-popping.

Things to keep in mind:

I have been sick for three days with some kind of cold. Or maybe it's bubonic plague.

Despite that, I gave in and included my head in the photo, as I was criticized last time for just showing my belly. Silly me, I thought that's all anyone was interested in.

The color of my bathroom walls really isn't "American Revolution Era Parchment."

Those flowers really aren't attacking my butt.

I have no better ideas on how to take a self-portrait, so if you have some tips, I'd appreciate them!

Good yummy

2009-03-06T07:26:00.006-05:00

It's been a few weeks -- I've lost count, not wanting to count -- since you nursed. You held on for a long time, my boy. You wanted that comfort only mama can give you as you fell asleep -- the holding, the contact and the precious food that was too good to be called simply "milk," so it had to be called "yummy." Good yummy. Our own special term.

But it was time. Even as you nursed, you thrashed, you bit, you slapped. I think that meant even you knew you were done nursing, even if you didn't want to totally give it up. My breasts already tender from carrying your soon-to-be sibling, it was your biting that made the decision for me: no more good yummy.

I thought you were going to wean much sooner. Many people probably assumed you were already weaned. But you held on.

And when you asked for your yummy at night and naptime, I had to turn you away -- tearfully at first, then with logic you probably don't possess and then with gentle cajoling. Eventually, you just stopped asking. Now, you haven't asked in weeks.

You are weaned.

I know you must understand by now that I am so much more to you than just my breasts. Tomorrow, you will turn two and a half, and you really don't need them anymore. They might have needed you, but they're now looking forward to nourishing a new life soon.

And even though you don't have mama's good yummy anymore, I wish you all the good yummy that your life will bring you -- whatever in life sustains you, comforts you and fills you up.

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Umm....

2009-03-04T07:26:00.003-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: just some yoga pants like these from Target. With maybe an oversize cardigan.

Or anything. I am not sure if I care right now. I am trying to care. I really, really am. (I am trying to silence the voice of my friend in my head, which tells me, "There is no try -- only do." Hush, now.) But as I mentioned last week, I only want to be comfortable.

And I may or may not have worn the same outfit two days in a row because I knew it fit me, it was comfortable and was reasonably clean. I won't confirm or deny it. I am just a pregnant mom of a toddler whose back hurts, who is tired all the time and who might be coming down with something. So I think my fashion sins can be forgiven.

If you came here looking for eye candy, though, here's a silver bangle from Blue Nile similar to the one I rediscovered in JP's glove compartment that his parents gave me after Fly was born, engraved with his name.

I don't know how it ended up in the glove compartment.

And here is a dress I'd wear as a top over leggings or possibly the yoga pants up there, found in a Body Central catalog that arrived today:

(Covered with that oversize cardigan I was talking about, of course.)

You can get some more fun things there on the cheap.

I'm hoping my style mojo comes back soon, but I can't take any chances. If anyone would like to guest post a WIWW in the coming weeks, please let me know.

Popcorn!

2009-03-03T02:09:00.003-05:00

Manda Girl template, Scrap Girls papers and elements, Digital-Crea paper

The ladybits aisle

2009-03-01T17:34:00.005-05:00

To join Heather at Cool Zebras for Simply Joy Sunday, can I just say how happy and relieved I am when I pass this aisle in the supermarket?

For months, I'd face this part of the store once or twice a week and wonder if I would ever have a need again to take a pregnancy test. It would just make me want a baby even more. That maternal need for a baby really messes with your head.

And now, I'm expecting a baby. And our family (well, most of our family) is so happy.

Today's magic

2009-02-26T23:19:00.004-05:00

It's the end of the day, and I almost don't want this day to end. There was just something magical about today and how Fly and I related to each other.

It wasn't that he didn't misbehave. But Fly did actually listen to me today. It probably helps that he is speaking more in real sentences now.

Fly seemed unusually contented. He sang songs with me while we waited in line at the store. He pointed out all the red lights, green lights and yellow lights as we drove in the car. Fly ate plenty at lunch. Then he patiently (!) waited for me to clean up afterward so we could play outside -- for an hour. He napped without a fight. He read some word cards. Fly even tried two new foods at dinner. He didn't want to go to bed tonight -- he wanted to stay up and sing songs with me. But I put on some music for him to listen to while he fell asleep.

I know better than to expect Fly will be the same tomorrow. He is ever growing and changing. There are hardly two days alike for him. And that makes today's magic even more fleeting and sweet.

What I'd Wear Wednesday: One secret

2009-02-25T07:35:00.012-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: Comfort. Comfort, comfort, comfort is all I'm looking for these days. I'm at 23 weeks now and running out of regular clothes to wear. Some of my looser items still fit, thank goodness, but the pickings are slim. Er ... OK, they're not slim -- they're large, but you know what I mean.

Feeling uninspired, I thought I'd share a tip for one way I find items for my WIWW posts. It's a site called Shop It To Me, which I found out about some time ago. The site sends you e-mails featuring clothes and accessories on sale. You sign up for a free account, choose your size(s) and favorite stores or designers, and how frequently you want to be e-mailed. Then you just wait for the fashion eye candy to pop up in your inbox. So there you go -- now you know one of my secrets.

Here are some discounted goodies that showed up in my e-mail this week.

This Free People top, found at Bloomingdales:

A BCBG Max Azria dress, also found at Bloomingdales:

A sweet pair of Betsey Johnson espadrilles, found at Endless Shoes & Handbags:

A bowler-style bag by Prada:

And a pair of cropped cargos from Lauren by Ralph Lauren:

Shop It To Me has children's and men's sizes and stores listed as well, so it's a good resource for shopping for your whole family. And getting deals!

Joy in the paradox

2009-02-22T00:02:00.003-05:00

In these days when I alternate between sleeplessness and not having the chance to sleep enough ... when I look forward to meeting my baby for the first time while wishing I had more time until the baby arrives ... when I feel young while acting as Fly's playmate but old while enforcing the rules ... when I express thanks for the life JP and I have been blessed with yet still feel there should be more ... I know there is joy in the paradox.

Like a boy who runs so fast he seemingly levitates.

A stolen solitary moment to dream, scheme and visualize despite my lack of energy to do anything about it.

Realizing how colorful life really is, while often feeling drab myself.

And enjoying the beauty of small things that are, collectively, rather grand.

Viral

2009-02-19T17:10:00.009-05:00

Fly had a virus last week, after we returned from the Bahamas, and we spent most of last week just basically doing nothing.

And it was so, so nice.

When we finally came out of our cave, I confessed to friend Guinevere I actually enjoyed Fly getting sick. She didn't flinch, wasn't shocked, didn't gape at me or carry her child away from my toxic presence. What a friend.

She understands that Fly getting sick meant he was by my side most of the day -- on my lap or in my arms for a hug, even -- he didn't act up and I got some much-needed rest, even though I had to get up with him in the middle of the night.

It was good to know I can still soothe my boy and that he still wants his mama to be there for him.

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Bauble ring

2009-02-18T07:09:00.001-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: a cool bauble ring. And a different bauble ring the next day. And the next. There's just something fun about having beads beebopping around on your finger that I suddenly find so appealing.

I like this one found at Etsy:

Here is one with a lot going on, also at Etsy:

This one from Guess looks polished and would go with anything:

And apparently, you can even make your own bauble ring. (Yes, you can. I can't.)

Maybe I'm drawn to rings like these right now because I know they will become completely impractical once my baby arrives in June and having potential choking hazards flip-flopping around on my finger won't be the best jewelry choice. Guess I should live it up with my accessories while I can!

Big mean mama

2009-02-17T15:39:00.007-05:00

Believe it or not, Fly isn't the most obedient two-year-old this world has ever seen. I know, you are shocked. The Fly you know is smart, charming and terminally cute. But he has a strong will. If you put him on the floor in the Capitol building when Democrats and Republicans are arguing, they will agree to anything if it means finally getting him out of the District of Columbia and not having to deal with him again.

Sometimes when he doesn't listen to me, I call his bluff. For example, when we come home from being somewhere, he doesn't want to come inside. He wants to sit in the driver's seat of my car and play with the controls, run down the street, see what's in the neighbor's yard, smell the other neighbor's flowers, check the mailbox and pick up stray sticks or leaves. But I might have to pee, or I might have heavy bags of groceries, and it's time to go inside right now. Fly doesn't understand right now (unless he wants a cookie). So I might go inside and close the door, watching him from there and hoping that gets his attention.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

Today, Fly didn't want to take a nap. But I knew he was tired. I told him it was time to sleep. I went to his room, hoping he would follow me. He didn't. I would have picked him up and carried him to his room, but I am in a phase when I am trying to get him to listen to me without intervening like that. (Hey, I can hear you! Stop laughing!) Ten minutes later, he showed up, when I grabbed him and sat him in my lap as usual for some songs and talking about our day so far. Fly hurled himself off my lap and onto the floor.

Because it had already been a tantrumy day, I'd had it. "You can put yourself to sleep!" I said, calling his bluff and and retreating to another room.

And that's exactly what he did.

And when I came back and saw him curled up on the floor, I felt like a big meanie.

I think I need a time-out.

Three bloggers and a baby

2009-02-13T07:37:00.004-05:00

Here's my last Say It Forward post. Every Friday, 5 Minutes for Mom asks for a list of up to three bloggers who loyally comment. I've played along for a month now and think I'll stop because -- even though you are all wonderfully loyal commenters -- I don't want anyone's eyes to glaze over when/if they happen by here on Fridays and stop paying attention to the bloggers I link to.

Here are more cool chiquitas.

Nicole of Naptime Optional and The Nicole Show. She seems to have so much fun on her blogs, whether it's her weekly movie quote guessing game or talking about her daughter's fairy wings.

Mozi Esme. Esme is a toddler who writes her own blog! With her mama's help, of course. She is American but lives in Mozambique, helping the people and learning about the culture there.

Melissa at Banana Migraine. Here is one crafty mama! Get this -- she spins her own yarn! Then she knits it into beautiful creations. There are always cute pics of her son and daughter on her blog.

- - - - -

It may be Friday the 13th, but it was a lucky day for Tatiana at It Was a Very Good Year, who had her baby girl, Maia, today. There are more expectant mamas on the Bustin' Out Babies list.

Someday, I might visit the Bahamas and actually not be pregnant

2009-02-12T06:49:00.022-05:00

So over the weekend, we went to the Bahamas (I know!) to celebrate our anniversary. It was a wedding anniversary for JP and me, but it was also a sort of anniversary for Fly, who visited the Bahamas in utero on our "babymoon."

Although it's been a year and a half since Fly got his passport, this was his first international trip. (Come to think of it, it was also his first out-of-state trip.)

But Fly discovered some aspects of international travel aren't all that glamorous, like waiting in lines at the cruise port before the sun even rose.

The promise of getting on a big boat helped, though.

And it was great to look out our cabin window and see the ocean.

Or not.

The cabin was small, and the beds were slightly more comfortable than ambulance stretchers, and some characters think it's funny to photograph people while they are sleeping.

When we settled into our resort in Port Lucaya, we discovered in a cruel slap from Mother Nature that the temperature was actually a bit cooler in the Bahamas than it was at home. For about two hours, though, it was warm enough to play on the beach.

We also spent some time in the marketplace square, which couldn't be more charming.

At nighttime, there is live music in the square. Fly asked me to dance.

But he quickly turned his attention to another woman.

I couldn't compete with that.

It was fun going back to the same place we went to three years ago, only this time with friends -- and a toddler.

Not much had changed there since last time. See? Here I was, six months pregnant with Fly:

And back again, four months along with our little Junebug:

Even if I couldn't enjoy the fruity Bahama Mama drinks, I guess I kind of am a Bahama Mama.

JP and I are so glad we went back -- and we feel so blessed to have each other and celebrate another year of togetherness.

What I'd Wear Wednesday: The scarf

2009-02-11T06:59:00.004-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: the scarf. You know, the scarf that supposedly everyone is wearing, like maybe this one from Free People.

Several months ago, I saw a woman wearing a simple multicolored scarf and thought it looked nice. Then I found a neutral scarf I liked.

But I haven't worn it.

Since then, I've seen lots of scarf wearing.

A friend of mine has been wearing the scarf. "All the women on The Bachelor are wearing scarves," she told me, because she knows I hardly watch TV.

I know I should pull out my scarf and try it out. I'm not sure what's stopping me. It could be a case of out of sight, out of mind. Or maybe it's my fear that my already short neck will disappear completely.

Maybe I just need something more trendy or patterned, like this one from Bebe:

Or maybe this is a trend that I will just watch come and go.

What do you think about the scarf?

Help me figure out the unsolved mystery

2009-02-06T17:12:00.005-05:00

My mother, Cammy, thinks she is pretty clever.

She called me last week to say she sent me a package . . . and that the package has a hidden message.

How very mysterious!

The suspense nearly killed me!

One thing you can't do to me is tell me you have a surprise or some news and then leave me hanging. GAH! JP does this to me all the time! Mainly, because he knows it drives me crazy. I love surprises, but don't tell me about it beforehand.

Luckily, I survived to receive and open my mother's package. I had assumed it was a little Valentine's Day gift for Fly. But this is what she sent:

OK. Grandma's cookies. I get it -- she's a grandma. (All her grandkids call her Nan.) There are two cookies in the package, and two cookies in the card -- and I will have two children come June.

But Nan's package also contained this:

The label is "Clear Crystale."

I've never been a real detective type, so I'm hoping you, teh internets, could help me out.

Am I reading too much into it? Or am I just that dense?

A nice way to say thanks

2009-02-06T07:43:00.009-05:00

It's Say It Forward Carnival day! Every Friday, 5 Minutes for Mom asks for a list of up to three bloggers who loyally comment. This is a nice way to say thanks.

I think this is week three. It's been fun. I think I'll stop next week, though -- not because I have run out of loyal commenters, but I don't want anyone's eyes to glaze over when/if they happen by here on Fridays. Then no one will pay any attention to the bloggers I link to.

Here are more magnificent mamas.

Nadine at Just Being Me. Nadine is such a sweet, gentle and wise spirit. But she also has a fun sense of humor. Not only is she a blogger, but she is an author too -- her book Prisoner of Circumstance came out recently.

Nicole at Much More Than a Mom. I've been reading Nicole's blog for a long time. I love how devoted she is to her family. And she has another cool blog, The Opinionated Parent, where she reviews and gives away great stuff for parents.

The Angel Forever. This angel always seems to have something fun or interesting to report about her family. Or, an intriguing and helpful list. I love seeing her family photos and hope she posts pictures from her upcoming Disney trip.

- - - - -

This has nothing to do with anything, but I just wanted to point out my constantly updated list of expecting mom bloggers. If you're expecting a baby and want to be on the list, just let me know at growingalife at gmail dot com.

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Red

2009-02-04T13:02:00.007-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: red. Today is a bit early, but Feb. 6 is Wear Red Day in honor of Go Red for Women, the American Heart Association's awareness campaign about heart disease in women. This is one of the official Go Red items from the Shop Heart online store.

(Psst! You would think breast cancer is the top killer of women as far as diseases go. But it's actually heart disease! You can find out more at the Go Red for Women site.)

Even though today isn't Wear Red Day, if you wear red to Macy's any time Feb. 4-8, you can save 15-20% on your purchases.

Anything in red will do on Go Red Day. How about those ubiquitous, super-cheap Valentine's Day tees from Tarjhay?

Or this flowy blouse from Anthropologie:

This tie-neck sweater from J. Jill?:

I think everyone looks good in red -- you just have to find the right shade for you. As for myself, almost every time I wear red, someone compliments me. To that, I say, "Go red!"

20-week belly bump

2009-02-03T07:05:00.000-05:00

Here I am, halfway through my pregnancy today!

Belly shot in all my sexy loungewear glory by request of Kristi at Interrupted Wanderlust.

PS. Kristi didn't ask for me to wear loungewear or anything specific. She just suggested I post belly shots.

PPS. I am being sarcastic in saying my loungewear is sexy.

PPPS. Don't you think "belly shots" could be something they serve at a bar off someone's navel?

A bright spot in my day

2009-02-02T17:06:00.007-05:00

Despite Fly indicating our family is a bunch of monkeys, today's ultrasound showed a good-sized, healthy human baby.

The doctor pointed out the baby has a bright spot on the heart, or echogenic cardiac focus. Apparently, this isn't a heart defect and doesn't affect how the baby's heart operates.

However, the bright spot can indicate the baby has a chromosomal abnormality like Down Syndrome, she said. There were no other indicators of a chromosomal disorder in my ultrasound, so the doctor said she would call it a "normal variant" and that babies without any abnormalities can have the bright spot on the heart. She didn't seem worried at all and said when I go back for my final ultrasound 10 weeks from now, the bright spot might have disappeared by then.

She said we could do an amniocentesis, but JP and I are too chicken for that. We have come too far with this baby to risk losing the baby to a test. I know the risk is a small one -- and the amnio would tell us for sure whether the baby has Down Syndrome -- but we are declining.

Nothing else indicates our baby has Down Syndrome or another chromosomal disorder. But if that's what we discover when the baby is born, we will love our baby all the same. Our baby is our baby, and we are blessed no matter what.

Well, I'll be a monkey's mama

2009-02-01T21:56:00.005-05:00

In preparation for tomorrow's ultrasound . . . .

"Fly, do you know we're going to see the baby tomorrow?"

"A baby!"

"That's right!"

"An animal!"

"No, it's not an animal."

"A monkey! Ooo-ooo-ah-ah."

"No, it's a human baby . . . your . . . it's one of us . . . a baby baby."

"Ooo-ooo-ah-ah!"

Saying it forward

2009-01-30T06:54:00.012-05:00

It's Say It Forward Carnival time again! A day to spotlight loyal commenters, held by 5 Minutes for Mom on Fridays.

This week, I continue with other fabulous mamas.

Kristi at Interrupted Wanderlust. She really should win the commenting prize of all time because not only does she have an active toddler at home, but newborn twins! And she still manages to blog and comment! I can't figure it out. But I'm grateful and honored because I know how precious her time is.

Elizabeth at My Bloggy Life. We share the same birthday! What else do we have in common? Uhh.... we both have a little boy with blond hair. We both blog. (Duh.) But she surpasses me in her craft-making and sewing. And she's a teacher. And a basketball player. And she lives near the Canadian Rockies. Our differences don't matter, though; she's just fun.

Carabee at Land of Bean. She has an adorable little girl and fun things to say. She can rock a cute haircut. And you should see the great wedding photo on her sidebar. Carabee is so ambitious that she is doing the "101 things in 1001 days." She always seems to have something fun going on or a funny take on what's going on.

Psst! If you're not on my blogroll but would like to be, just let me know. I've had some new readers in the past several months and don't want to leave anyone out.

Guys and dolls

2009-01-29T07:13:00.002-05:00

Fly got a baby doll as a gift.

It's not just a baby doll. It's a boy baby doll. With the right apparatus. And apparently, some hefty piercings.

I hope this doesn't count as p*rn

Fly is a boy, after all, so his baby doll should be a boy too, the gift giver thought. That, and JP would be less likely to object to his son playing with a doll if the doll had a little package.

JP was surprised at first. But when I explained it would give Fly the chance to get used to the idea of having a baby around -- and/or to mimic the fatherly care he receives from JP, his role model -- JP seemed fine with it.

Sometimes, Fly brings out the baby for meals. Or to sit on the couch with him and play.

OK, so Fly has a bit to learn about how babies like to be held.

He seems to have a thing for the baby's feet. I later saw Fly chewing on the baby's toes. But really, who could blame him?

I wanna hold your ... foot?

And even later, I found Fly had shared a meal with the baby.

Hmm, maybe I should take a refresher course on infant choking and CPR.

(The doll is in the baby hammock Fly used to sleep in. We never got around to putting it away.)

What I'd Wear Wednesday: No waist

2009-01-28T13:52:00.004-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: Well, maybe just my robe. But I can't really go out in public like that.

The past few days, I have been feeling like a big lump. My baby bump is starting to pop. Clothes are getting tighter. My entire midsection feels huge. I guess I've forgotten what it feels like to be pregnant.

In any case, I'd like to wear something that avoids my lower torso. What I mean is, it would be nice to wear something without a waistband. And because I don't really look pregnant yet -- I just look like a person who overindulged during the holidays and needs all the gym memberships that are being advertised this month -- it would be great if my clothes could do something graceful with my tummy.

Like maybe this dress from Ann Taylor Loft:

Or this one:

Or this dress from Old Navy, which also comes in dark blue or black:

Is a little comfort too much for a mama to ask? I say no.

Simply Joy Sunday

2009-01-25T23:22:00.001-05:00

Heather at Cool Zebras is celebrating "the little things in life that bring me joy and happiness" with her Simply Joy Sundays. I thought this was a cool idea, especially because I've noticed a theme of sorts in my life this week -- little references here and there in real life and also the overall desire to live in the present moment -- as well as an invitation to join the Grace in Small Things social network.

This week, I've been happy to have been asked to play with one of the cutest little boys in the whole world.

I've enjoyed the furrypurryness of our cats, including this one who wanted to sleep on top of me last night.

I am thankful for quiet, deserted beaches . . . (even if it was too darn cold to do anything but shuffle around in the sand for a few minutes)

. . . and peaceful resting spots.

Playing in the snow

2009-01-23T07:51:00.002-05:00

On the coldest day of winter, we just had to play in the snow.

To all the commenters I've loved before ... and currently

2009-01-23T06:16:00.001-05:00

I love you, man. And you and you and you. Yes, you. So I hope to thank you during the Say It Forward Carnival of Loyal Commenters held by 5 Minutes for Mom on Fridays.

I'm supposed to feature a few of my most loyal commenters each Friday, and I will try to do that for the next few weeks. All the Say It Forward posts are linked on the 5 Minutes for Mom site.

While I'm at it, if you're not on my blogroll but would like to be, just let me know.

Here are three bloggers who endure my ups and downs, weird moods and strange fashion choices. Look for more next Friday. Bloggers, that is -- not my quirks.

Heather at Cool Zebras. This mama has three kids (including a baby!) and at least that many blogs in addition to her own Etsy shop, where she sells handmade greeting cards and tutus. Plus, she's Twitterific. I don't know how she gets so much done. I think her secret is she doesn't sleep.

Chelle at Creative Thoughts by Chelle. This is another person who does so much and I can't figure out how. She is a blog designer and also writes at Being Savvy. She runs, swims and knits. I should also mention she has two munchkins and is due with her third child a month after I am!

Madeline at My Boy and Me. She always has fun pictures to share, especially of her little boy, and she creates amazing quilts! She is a real artist. And you just might catch a photo of her wearing some hot-mama red shoes.

Thanks, gals, for your encouraging, funny and inspiring comments!

Hugs wanted

2009-01-22T07:31:00.003-05:00

I knew this time would come. I've heard about it from mom friends, read about it on your blogs. And now I'm mourning the loss.

The loss of the hug! The loss of snuggle time!

Fly has moved on.

In the mornings, I used to be able to count on a minute of just holding onto my boy. I'd hold him close, kiss his soft cheek, murmur good-morning wishes and pass along other happy thoughts to him while I enjoyed a little munchkin cuddle.

But now, I barely get in a quick squeeze before he wants to be put down, or get off my lap, so he can grab toy cars by the handful or lead me to the kitchen for a drink.

If you ask him, "Can I have a hug? Can I have a kiss?" he usually says, "No!" and goes on playing. Sometimes, though, he obliges.

And sometimes Fly spontaneously wraps himself around my legs to give me a hug. I love it! But my arms and chest are jealous. They know they are the ones who are supposed to give and get the hug.

All the holding him close, all the kisses I've given him . . . and now I'm a mama lacking in baby love.

At least until the new baby comes in June . . . .

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Romantic

2009-01-21T07:41:00.000-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: something romantic. I know Valentine's Day isn't for a few weeks yet, but it's getting to me. It does every year. For some reason, seeing hearts and lace everywhere remind me of Valentine's Days of my childhood when there would be a party at school and everyone got Valentine cards in their specially decorated boxes attached to their desks, and cupcakes to eat. (And I try to block out the year a friend and I were mobbed on our way home from school by older kids who threatened to pull down our pants on the street if we didn't give them our bags of Valentines and treats.) It's just a fun time of year.

And it gets me daydreaming about wearing romantic clothes, too, like this ruffly tee:

I bet crafty folks could turn a plain T-shirt and some lace into a creation like this.

Or this subtly printed blouse:

The pleating just above the tummy area looks so forgiving.

Or even this super-girly-swirly paisley top:

And it looks comfortable too.

There was a great skirt I saw at the mall I wanted to share with you, as well, but I couldn't find a picture of it online. Just know that it was a dream.

The tough thing about all this is, it's going to be the coldest day of winter here, and I'll be sporting fleece.

What do you like to wear when you want to dress romantic?

So much for clean underwear

2009-01-16T07:28:00.007-05:00

Lately, I've been taking a shower at night, after Fly is in bed. I like feeling fresh as I settle into the sheets, and the water helps me relax at the end of the day.

I've been feeling pretty good about myself and this pregnancy. When people ask how I am, that's what I usually tell them -- "pretty good." I am thankful because despite my little pregnancy annoyances, I know it could be much worse. I was reflecting on this as I left the bathroom after my shower when the Sneeze of All Sneezes came out of my head. This wasn't just a loud "ACHOO!" It was more like a full-body earthquake. I'm certain it registered on a Richter scale somewhere.

And then I realized it had happened.

I, um, lost control.

I wet my undies!

I thought this wasn't supposed to happen until after childbirth?!

OK, let the Depends jokes come forth . . . .

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Big and fluffy

2009-01-14T07:25:00.000-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: big, fluffy-looking boots sort of like these by Tecnica, found at Nordstrom. When I was at Disney, some of the smartest-dressed women I saw were wearing foot- and leg-swallowing boots. I think it made their legs look thinner because the boots looked so big by comparison. Because I live where it's warm, I don't really have much of a need for footwear that takes over the lower fifth of my body. But I just love the idea of thinner-looking legs. And the fluffy stuff is just so irresistible. So, sigh, boots like these would be completely impractical for me about 49 or 50 weeks out of the year.

And so would these boots by The North Face:

If you have a pair of boots like these, please tell me they itch. Or they're impossible to clean. Or your dog likes to chew them, or they smell after a while, or the fluffy stuff falls off, or they're really uncomfortable and make you walk like a plow jockey (not that I hold anything against plow jockeys). And I'll really, really try to believe you. I have to get my mind off these boots somehow . . . .

Bringing baby home, and giveaway winner

2009-01-13T16:08:00.006-05:00

OK, no, I didn't forget I was supposed to announce winners of the Bustin' Out Babies giveaway yesterday. Real life got in the way. Real life has been getting in the way of a lot of things for the past several days. A toddler being very two. A spare room to clean out to make way for the baby. Family commitments. Realizing you've closed a neighbor's open door when they weren't home only a hour before cops blocked off your street to look for a burglar and now your fingerprints are there so you're worried they'll come looking for you if anything turns up missing at their house.

Paranoid much?

I need a vacation.

Anyway, Rachel at A Little Bit of Crazy wins the baby care DVDs and the novel for her sister, who's expecting for the first time. Congrats!

I've been thinking about what it will be like with Fly and a newborn. First things first, I'm wondering what to do with Fly when I am at the hospital having the baby and the next couple of days before we come home. I was talking with a friend who has a daughter close to Fly's age and a five-month-old, and she recommended having grandparents stay at my home to take care of Fly, and JP come home at night. That way, Fly will still be on his comfortable home turf and have the reassurance that at least one parent is there with him at night.

JP wants to stay at the hospital with the baby and me the whole time, but I'm concerned Fly will go into shock without seeing either of us for a couple days. I know he can probably come visit at the hospital, but at the end of the visit, he won't understand why he's going home and we're not going with him.

My friend also recommended a class offered at the hospital that prepares small children for ~~staring bug-eyed~~ ~~ignoring~~ welcoming a baby into the home.

So, does anyone have any other suggestions for how to help Fly adjust to having a baby around? Or what to do with him while I'm at the hospital?

E for effort

2009-01-11T19:51:00.004-05:00

Telling a two-year-old that the mini Christmas tree that was in his room for a month is now being put away until next Christmas isn't easy.

OK, telling him is easy, but enduring the fallout from telling him isn't.

Last weekend, JP I and tackled putting away our holiday decorations. I told him if he would just bring our plastic storage totes down from the attic, I'd put it all away -- the trees (the main big one and the two little ones), the lights, the ornaments, the stockings, the snow globes, the manger scenes, the nesting wooden Santa dolls, the doorknob hangers, the wreath, the pine jingle bells decoration. The everything. (OK -- believe it or not, that wasn't everything. There were a lot of decorations we never put out.)

JP took pity and me and took down the big tree by himself.

And he helped me put the rest of the decorations in the storage totes. They've gone up in the attic until next Christmas, much to Fly's confusion.

It's a new year, and it feels good to pack up and put away. (Like going through my stash of baby things and deciding to turn them into a giveaway that ends tomorrow. Or cleaning out the spare room for my baby and finding 53 framed pictures for the walls, 6 empty frames, two mirrors and a corkboard. Clearly, JP and I have wall art issues. But that's for another post.)

But, wait! Darn, I forgot all the snow globes are still sitting on my dresser. And I found two little ornaments of Fly's tree in his room buried under all the new Christmas presents he got from family.

So our holiday pack-up system isn't perfect.

My guess is those snow globes will sit on my dresser until at least March.

- - - - -

The Parent Bloggers Network and Right@Home are asking how bloggers clean up after the holidays. Because Right@Home is full of homecare articles about cleaning and other things, maybe they will at least give me an E for effort.

Go fly a kite

2009-01-09T07:41:00.003-05:00

Let's see who knows where those lyrics are from....

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Regular

2009-01-07T07:58:00.002-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: regular clothes, as usual. Keep to the status quo.

I've been asked if my WIWW posts will now become all about maternity wear. Never fear, internets!

Here's my explanation, long form:

I don't need to wear maternity clothes yet because my regular clothes still fit me. (Now just watch, nothing will fit me tomorrow when I get dressed!) But even when my expanding tummy and disappearing waist make me reach for something bigger, I plan to try to wear as many regular clothes as I can for as long as I can. (Not to mention there's a ubiquitous maternity chain store where the salespeople are mean and the return policy is ridiculous. You know the one I'm talking about. Not gonna shop there anymore.)

With my first pregnancy, when I was expecting Fly, I admit I tended to look to the celebrity preggos for style cues. Namely, for whatever reason, Angelina Jolie. She wore extremely simple all-black outfits. And that's a lot of what I wore.

This time around, my pregnancy style icon is a mom I know in real life who went her entire pregnancy wearing no maternity clothes whatsoever. She wore larger-sized, flowy, empire-waisted kind of regular clothes -- lots of mini sundresses. And she. looked. fabulous. All the time.

I was going to ask to borrow some of her clothes but found out she is expecting again, five months after giving birth. She is due only weeks after I am. So there goes that idea.

Now, I figure I'm going to need some maternity bottoms. Because I am a realist. And another friend of mine who is now a grandma told me she made her own reversible wrap skirts when she was pregnant, and I like really that idea.

I also have a couple maternity tops from last time that I love so much I never put them away with my other maternity wear. I can't wait to trot those out.

But otherwise, I hope to wear regular clothes as much as possible.

Take this top from Victoria's Secret:

Or these cute tops from Forever 21:

(Don't you love the heart over the tummy?!)

I think these could be worn through a good bit of pregnancy, if not the whole term.

If I see some maternity clothes I think are really great, I'll post them. If I see some amazing regular-sized items that I think would work for maternity, I will post them. And if I wish I could wear something that's impossible for me to wear at the time, I still might post it. Because if anything, WIWW is a wish list.

So if you're pregnant, what are you wearing now? If you're not, what did you wear during your last pregnancy? And where do/did you get your clothes?

Bustin' Out Babies giveaway

2009-01-05T07:02:00.003-05:00

To celebrate the new year and try to breathe some life into this dusty blog, I thought a giveaway was in order.

That, and I am doing a bit of organizing now that Christmas decorations have been put away and it's time to start fresh. Ahem.

I found the following DVDs that I enjoyed watching but which I no longer need to keep, so I am giving them away. Yes, they are pre-owned. But still very watchable.

The Happiest Baby on the Block

This DVD will show you some tricks for helping babies to calm down or stop crying during that "fourth trimester."

Bringing Baby Home

If you are a new parent and terrified you will break your baby within the hour of getting him or her home, this goes over the basics of baby care. Nothing more, nothing less.

Toolbox for New Dads

A fatherhood expert talks man to man about baby stuff and makes it seem less mystifying. You can see my review about this DVD here.

I also have a novel, which is brand new and direct from the press:

The Book of Mom

This is the story of a stay-at-home mom who is trying to figure out where her life went and how to find "inward and outward balance."

I'd like to give all of these items as a package to a new parent! It could be yourself, a relative or friend. Just leave a comment and mention who you would give these goodies to. I'll let random.org pick a winner next Monday.

And if you or a blogger you know is expecting or adopting a baby, please check out my Bustin' Out Babies list of bloggers anticipating a joy bundle.

Good luck!

Sleep while the sleeping is good

2009-01-03T16:11:00.009-05:00

That's been my motto around here lately. And even if I can't sleep, I try to be horizontal when I can. Now that I'm coming up on 16 weeks in this pregnancy, I am hoping and wishing and waiting for that second-trimester second wind to come along. I am not exaggerating when I say I can start dreaming with my eyes open.

Things are a little different for me this time around. I don't have the atomic heartburn I had when I was pregnant with Fly. But I do have dysgeusia. I don't have the nosebleeds with this baby, but I have rhinitis of pregnancy. One thing that's the same is lower back pain.

Oh, and of course that fatigue.

Another thing that's different with this pregnancy is my weight. I started off this time around weighing eight pounds more than I did when I was newly pregnant with Fly. (But still wearing the same size clothes somehow.) That doesn't make me happy, especially because I told myself if I ever got pregnant again, I didn't want to gain as much weight as I did last time -- 40 pounds. At the time, even my OB/Gyn was cautioning me about my weight. JP's mother gained half that amount (back when women were told not to gain weight during pregnancy), and JP was two ounces heavier than Fly when he was born.

So I was already weight-conscious.

And then it happened. Someone made a comment about my weight. A friend told me, "You've gained some weight," and I'm like, "No kidding." But inside, I was devastated. I had been feeling pretty good about myself, after overhearing some friends tell another mom at the playground that I was already (barely) in my second trimester, and the woman acted amazed that I was even pregnant because she couldn't tell. I am still wearing my regular clothes. But after my friend's comment, I felt like a big blob. I actually skipped dinner that day -- I wasn't truly hungry anyway. And when I am around that friend, I feel nervous eating.

I don't want anyone to think I'm endangering my baby by starving myself. I'm definitely not. I'm just saying my weight is more of an issue for me this time around.

And the sleep -- ahhh, the sleeping. It makes me yawn just thinking about it.

Knowing now the sleep deprivation that a new baby brings, I'm going to get in all the pillow time I can while I'm able.

Zzzzzz....

The cookie maker

2008-12-24T07:43:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!

Vacation by numbers

2008-12-22T16:47:00.015-05:00

1: Life-size gingerbread house I had to see.

2: Items we lost in the hotel room. How do things just disappear?

3: Number of weeks it took me to post anything about our trip.

4: Feet away I was from Kelly Ripa at Mexico at Epcot! She was looking at some folk art. I couldn't believe how skinny she is. What's smaller than a size 0?

5: People who wedged in front of me to see the parade.

6: Rides I wanted to go on but couldn't because of the expectant mother warning.

7: The shape that the Mickey Mouse straw we came home with turned into after putting it in the dishwasher. A cashier gave it to me because it was my birthday.

8: Times I just wanted to nap.

9: Pounds of clothing our family never got to wear that was just excess luggage.

10: Minutes Fly got to ride a real pony.

$25: Average price for lunch for our family?!

1,500: Number of Christmas trees across Walt Disney World. No exaggeration -- it's a fact.

$????.??: Amount we could have saved by not going to Disney and just taking Fly for rides on the county bus, because bus rides were his favorite part of the whole trip.

Hurt and gratitude

2008-12-18T17:16:00.002-05:00

A new life coming into the world. A beautiful baby to celebrate. (Aren't all babies beautiful, really?) You would think any time a person says, "I am having a baby!" that you would congratulate the mother or father. It's the polite and reasonable thing to do -- even if you are a stranger who doesn't know the person.

We rejoice with those who rejoice.

Except for JP's sister.

When JP told his sister the news that we are expecting another baby, she made a rude and untrue comment to him. Then she sarcastically said, "Congratulations," and cut off the conversation.

That was one of perhaps five times I've known my husband to cry.

Not every family is perfect, and relationships can be fragile. Something, somewhere, went wrong with our relationship with JP's sister. We don't know what that is. But I certainly never expected her to make her brother cry when she should have been sharing in his happiness.

As disturbing as this is, I am overwhelmed by your comments and good wishes -- overwhelmed and grateful.

Thank you.

I'm pregnant!

2008-12-08T10:07:00.003-05:00

All your good wishes and pregnancy vibes worked! (That, and my husband is a stud.)

(Actual baby. Not really a tornado.)

After all the wishing and trying, and celebrating others who are welcoming babies, I can finally look forward to a little brother or sister for Fly. I'm due in June.

And yes, this is partly why I haven't been around as much as I'd like....

- - - - -

Thank you so much for your birthday wishes! I was touched by your comments. I'm giving away three Disney gifts -- one to the person who guessed my age and two others to randomly selected bloggy friends. I had so much fun with this that I think I'll do it again next year! (So I can't reveal my age just yet!)

Happy birthday to me

2008-12-01T07:46:00.005-05:00

... and I'm going to Disney World!

(It's also bloggy friend Elizabeth's birthday today.)

My hair is still dark, but when the sun is out, you can see some red peeking through. It's a start. I'm just going to ignore my hair and have fun.

The first person who correctly guesses how old I am will get a little gift from me from my trip. But, hmm, maybe I should give a gift to the person who guesses a more flattering age....

The state of things

2008-11-21T23:26:00.007-05:00

I'm sitting here on a Friday night with my whole head smelling like olive oil, my husband alternately coughing, moaning and winking at me (likely a fresh case of conjunctivitis, if you ask Dr. Damselfly, along with a cold) and wondering where my day has gone. Where my week has gone. Where my mind has gone.

First, the olive oil: You know the economy. The one that almost doesn't really exist? I decided to sacrifice my salon highlighting habit in the name of the family budget. This meant a trip to my (former) favorite stylist to, as I said, "reverse my highlights." When it was all done, he declared me, as he said, "a raven-haired beauty." Oh, hee hee. It wasn't until I got home and looked at myself in good lighting (why shouldn't a salon, of all places, have decent lighting?) that I realized he was right. I now look like a contestant in the Miss Goth Universe pageant. My hair is pretty much black.

I should note my hair has never naturally been this dark.

So I consulted my next-favorite stylist, Google, and learned I could strip away some of the color by putting Prell shampoo on my dry hair for 45 minutes. (This required a trip to the store. I don't keep Prell around at home.) Then wash it out, watch the dye go down the drain, and apply hot oil.

I may have just ruined three towels with hair dye stains. And nearly burned my scalp.

But my hair still looks black.

Can I say it? Lather, rinse, repeat as needed. Tomorrow morning.

Now, the husband: He is clearly sick. Two nights ago, he came home, slumped over dinner, went to bed without saying a word and fell asleep. Leaving me to entertain and take care of Fly for the rest of the night. JP finally woke up ... just as I was putting Fly to bed.

Today, he went to the doctor, who told him he doesn't have a cold -- he has a respiratory infection. I asked him what the difference was. He said he didn't know. Back to Google again, and voila! Apparently a cold is a respiratory infection. But I think the "respiratory infection" proclamation just gives him a good reason to shuffle around the house and go to bed early. I know you're not supposed to hold grudges, but I clearly remember having mastitis once with little sympathy from JP, and another time I had a bad cold (couldn't take anything because I was nursing) and JP left me with Fly all day to go to a car show.

I've heard it said before, but it's true: When it comes to being sick, men are just big babies.

And now that I pointed out to him his left eye has been red for hours and it's oozing goo, having a possible case of pinkeye will just give him an additional reason to get out of doing things. Anything. All he needs now is to stub his toe really good, because then he clearly couldn't be expected to walk.

I'm not really trying to come down hard on JP (you know how much I appreciate my husband).

But this is all plenty to make a mama grumpy. Between a sick husband, my hair crisis, preparation for Thanksgiving and then a weeklong vacation, and being so behind in my to-do list that a birthday gift I started making for Fly (who turned two in September) will now be a Christmas gift if I'm lucky -- and assorted unraveled nerves as of late -- I need to take a blogging break. I need time away from the computer to slow down and yet catch up on real life. To make my hair brown again. I hope to pop in now and then, but I won't be around much until some time in December. I'd love to blog through my vacation, but I've heard Internet access rates there are crazy.

So, I will miss you and you and you, and I hope you have a great Thanksgiving. Don't mind my olive-oil-infused tears ... maybe they will make the wrinkles around my eyes go away.

Crunchies

2008-11-20T07:41:00.002-05:00

Fly is just starting to put two or three words together (unlike some people's toddlers of the same age who have been speaking in complete sentences since birth). "Come on!" "This way." "I see you." "Love you." {heart melts}

Even though I understand Fly better than anyone else, sometimes he says things I don't understand. He keeps saying something like "snail mail," which doesn't make any sense because I don't use that term.

He also started saying "crunchies." Crunchies at Target. Crunchies on our nightly walk. Crunchies driving through our town after dark. And I know he's not asking for a snack.

Then last night while driving past a shopping center decorated for the holidays, it hit me.

Fly is saying Christmas trees.

After I was done laughing, I joined him in saying Christmas trees.

Do you think his pronunciation will be better by Christmas?

What I'd Wear Wednesday: None of the jackets I've worn before

2008-11-19T16:23:00.004-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: Just a hoodie, like maybe this one from Old Navy. I don't mean like, just a hoodie and the rest of me naked. I mean, I have been thinking about what kind of jacket to get. (Remember my coat post?) My cool-weather coverups are older than old, and I need some new warm threads.

Here's my current jacket inventory: A dressy white wool jacket I first wore in 1986. Twenty-two years ago, peeps! A gray leather Indiana Jones-like lined jacket that is about as old, which was a gift I never wear because I look awful in gray. The red jacket I mentioned in my coat post, ugh. Another red jacket -- a lined windbreaker. Oh, and another red windbreaker, unlined. (Lots of red here.) A lightweight peach and white nylon-like jacket that's hardly warm. Assorted cardigans that don't add much warmth.

So it's cool again today, and I am thinking I really need that coat I blogged about before, but also something to replace those little lightweight jackets -- and retire all the red for a change. Then I realized most of Fly's cool-weather coverups are fleece hoodies (it's the only way he'll wear something on his head), and voila -- I found this lined hoodie. Just something for kicking around in.

And when I donate my old jackets, just think of all the closet space I'll save....

He's mine

2008-11-18T16:35:00.005-05:00

Maybe it's because JP knows I am having "one of those days" day after day lately.

Maybe he just wanted to do something nice.

Maybe the universe is being kind to me.

But when I saw a top on eBay I had to have -- then saw the bidding price escalate way past what I would ever pay for it -- JP bid a crazy amount of money at the last minute so I would win.

And last night when I realized I had no breakfast to take to a mom's group meeting today, when it was my turn to bring breakfast, he went out to buy muffins and fruit, and made a fruit salad while I bathed Fly and put him to bed.

He also brought me chocolate ice cream bars.

And he's been a generally all-around nice, understanding good guy.

Sometimes, my husband is the only thing that makes life bearable.

And times like these, I just can't believe he's mine.

I don't know how you good little bloggers do it

2008-11-17T22:53:00.003-05:00

It's 11 pm.

I am tired.

I have a busy day ahead tomorrow.

I have 28 unread e-mails.

I don't even want to know how many unread blog posts are in my reader. (They are probably all yours, but because I haven't been visiting your blog, you probably aren't visiting mine, either, and so of course you don't know this.)

Another day I have failed as a blogger.

Sob!

On an up note, someone on the Bustin' Out Babies list "graduated" last week. I have added several bloggers since I started the list about a month ago, and there's room for more! If you know someone expecting a baby or if you had a baby in 2008, I'm happy to add to the list.

It's beginning to look a lot like ... uh-oh!

2008-11-14T16:59:00.006-05:00

Because JP is the manly-man Mr. Fixit, I rarely go to Home Depot. I had to go, though, for some gardening items.

I didn't realize Home Depot had turned into Holiday Central. It looked like this:

Fly was extremely excited and led me right over to all the Christmas displays. The biggest one was a train going around on a track with loads of miniature decorations, all surrounded by a short picket fence.

Fly loves anything with wheels, and he couldn't resist the lure of a moving train just inches away from him -- and at his eye level (of course!). He reached through the picket fence and grabbed the train.

The train derailed just enough that it stayed mostly on the track but wouldn't run anymore.

After I was done reproaching Fly and told him not to touch anything else, I reached over the fence and tried to set it back on track.

Oops.

I tried again. The train looked as though it was on the track all right, but it still wouldn't move. The wheels were turning, but nothing was happening.

I glanced nervously around. I was hoping someone in an orange vest would appear, smile, say, "It's all right. Third time today!" or something to make me feel better. But no one seemed to notice.

Then I saw what looked like the train controls, attached to a plug that disappeared under the display. I pushed a button on the control unit, hoping to turn it off.

CHOO! CHOO! CHOO! jingle jingle jingle chug chug chug....

Whoops. Wrong button.

I tried another button. The train shut off.

The sound was still playing, though.

Maybe I should just stop trying to fix this thing and leave well enough alone, I thought.

Glancing around nervously, I redirected Fly to an aisle of moving lit-up reindeer.

And none of the orange vests seemed to notice.

But I still felt like this:

What I'd Wear Wednesday: Flowy silk

2008-11-12T16:22:00.006-05:00

What I'd wear today if I could: This loose, flowy blouse from Marc by Marc Jacobs, found at Bluefly. Today, I feel a need for comfort. But I also have been craving silk. This blouse has a nice fall color (it might look brown on your screen -- it does on mine -- but it's actually a deep wine) and a loose-but-not-too baggy shape. I love how the sleeves are full and then taper because it's hard to wield Crayolas and prepare snacks for little people with long sleeves getting in the way. This fabric also has a slight print, which makes it a little more interesting.

I'd probably wear it with a pair of dark-wash jeans like the mannequin, but, hey, it's silk! This blouse would also go great with a nice pair of pants or a skirt. The neckline is also perfect for wearing your favorite necklace.

Cotton does the job most of the time, but sometimes, even on ordinary days, it's nice to wear something a bit more luxe.

Balance against the tide

2008-11-11T18:13:00.002-05:00

When you have a strong tide at the beach, standing in the surf and watching the waves recede back into the ocean, and feeling the sand slip away under your feet, you can feel as though you're moving, or falling. You have to catch yourself. Or be really sure of your balance.

After yesterday's drama -- half of which I didn't even mention -- Fly and I have found our balance again.

I recommend a day at the beach for restoring cranky kids and mamas.

Lord have mercy

2008-11-10T22:06:00.003-05:00

It's 10 pm and the end of a very long day.

It was one escapade after another with Fly. The worst was him getting drenched in cough syrup and then playing in the cat litter box so that little excrement-infested pebbles were stuck to his body. Not the least was me getting head-butted and bitten. The diaper came off twice, and the potty wasn't good enough for him -- he had to poop on my pants (which I'm still wearing, actually). I spent an hour cooking dinner, and all he ate was a handful of corn. And? He's still awake in his crib.

I remember reading another blogger putting it this way once: Age Two is totally kicking my butt.

I think I might cry myself to sleep....

Santa's lap, being drunk and other stories

2008-11-07T15:41:00.009-05:00

I realized yesterday there are only 20 days until Thanksgiving! This is a perfect time to do Metropolitan Mama Stephanie's meme of posting seven things about you and holidays. Thanks for tagging me!

1. Some of you know my real name, and that's why sometimes I like to call them the Hollydays instead of the holidays. I can be cheesy like that.

2. I was born during this time of year, as my name suggests. So most of the time, I can't remember if a gift someone gave me a while back was for my birthday or for Christmas. And no wonder -- sometimes they're even the same gift!

3. The first time I remember sitting on Santa's lap, I was four years old. And I seriously freaked out! I didn't want to have anything to do with Santa. I didn't sit on Santa's lap again until I was 16 and with a group of friends at the mall doing some Christmas shopping together, and they wanted to have their picture taken with him. Against my better judgment, I went along with them. I'm not sure Santa enjoyed having a bunch of teenagers sitting on his lap -- or maybe he did, which makes it worse, now that I think about it.... I will never make Fly take a picture with Santa.

4. My parents divorced when I was little, so while growing up, I got to celebrate most holidays and birthdays twice. That was probably the only perk of that arrangement. Now, I am happy to celebrate the holidays just once. Mostly because I really don't need to gain twice the weight!

5. Have you ever been drunk on music? I have. The first time I experienced it was while singing at a candlelight Christmas Eve service. Mesmerizing....

6. I can't eat sweet potatoes. They kind of make me gag. But someone in my family makes a sweet potato casserole that I just can't get enough of. Go figure. When it comes to holiday meals, within my family, I'm known for my stuffing. But all I do is take Stove Top and add things to it. Too bad I can't be recognized for something more difficult and harder to cook!

7. In college, I was a waitress and loved working on New Year's Eve because of the happy atmosphere and the great tips. Later, JP and I used to host a New Year's Day brunch, which I loved cooking and having everyone over for. It rivaled Thanksgiving in the amount of food we served. Lately, though, we've taken New Year's Day to visit a national park or wildlife refuge. There are hardly any crowds!

Feel free to do the holiday meme if you like!

Friends from the beginning

2008-11-06T15:14:00.005-05:00

Mozi Esme tagged me for a meme to go to my fourth folder and pull out the fourth picture in it. Because my blog is short on inspiration lately, I was thankful to have something to post! I may even do another meme tomorrow! Oops, should I tell you that in advance? Well, I hope you stop by anyway because it's fun.

The fourth picture in my fourth folder isn't a great photo -- just a snapshot -- but I couldn't part with it.

This is Fly (on the right) and his friend Lance as babies. I think this was the first outing my friend Guinevere and I had after Lance was born -- we took the boys for a walk in the park. I think we talked about losing weight and 529 college plans. Considering we were both new moms, we probably also talked about poop. (Don't all new moms talk about poop?!)

Just for comparison, here are the boys last week.

They've grown up together since day one -- well, actually day two -- Fly visited Lance in the hospital the day after he was born! And now that Lance comes to spend the day with us twice a week, the boys have gotten even closer. They even ask for each other sometimes when they're apart.

And you know what, I think Guinevere and I still talk about poop!

If you need some bloggy inspiration, I tag you!