Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Home

Before the rain started up and kept on going right into the night, Fly and I went outside to plant a few flowers. He picked them out himself at the nursery -- red salvias, good for attracting butterflies. Excellent choice.

I asked him if he wanted to plant the flowers with me, and he happily followed me outside. I told him we had to dig holes in the dirt to put the flowers in. Fly chose a gardening tool and began to dig in the dirt near me. He uncovered some kind of larva, which scuttled away -- he wanted me to help him "rescue" the bug, and before long we couldn't see the dirt-loving creature anymore.

Digging a few holes was slow going for me. At 36 weeks now, it's hard for me to bend over for long periods of time. And it was hot. I'd dig for a while, stand up, wipe my brow, ask Fly how his digging was going and talk to him about plants. He got impatient and abandoned our effort. He looked for sticks, picked up fallen leaves, wanted to play with the children next door and was sad when they made only a brief appearance outside to get in their car and go somewhere with their mom.

"I want a different home," Fly said suddenly.

"You want a different home?" I asked. When I'm not sure what Fly is saying, I usually repeat it to make sure I understand him.

"I want that home over there," he said, pointing to the one next door where four children live. The family moved in about six months ago, found mold throughout the house and basically had to reconstruct it from scratch, top to bottom, inside and out. So basically, their house is brand new and looks amazing. Everyone is super nice, but we haven't really gotten to know the new neighbors yet.

Planting a few red flowers in the front yard -- and feeling I was doing a pretty lame job at that -- I felt sad Fly wanted a different home despite trying to make ours the best we can. I wanted to stop my digging and planting because I knew a few flowers couldn't measure up to a beautiful home full of children. And dogs.

It doesn't help that for weeks Fly has been saying, "I want to go home." When we are already home. When he is in his room -- when he is in his bed. How could you be any more at home than when you are in your own bed?

I know he's only two and a half and still learning to put together his thoughts and express himself through language, but it makes me worry. It makes me feel inadequate as a mother. How have I failed to provide Fly with the feeling of having a home and being home? What is he missing that makes him want to "be home" or have a different home? What will he think when the baby arrives and turns our home tospy-turvy for a while?

Fly didn't want to help me put the flowers in the holes once I had dug them, didn't want to help water them as he usually would and he seemed relieved to finally go back inside when we were done.

I was relieved, too, to leave the flowers outside in their own new home -- but wondered if they would be as unsatisfied as Fly seems to be.

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15 Comments:

Blogger amanda said...

oh friend - you have sooo not failed him. he is beyond lucky to have you for his mama.

it's amazing though how our little ones can bring us to our knees or make us fly with their thoughts....

6:59 PM  
Blogger Keetha said...

A home isn't about a house - - - it's about love. Little Fly just needs you to help him learn that. Just keep loving him and to do that you have to start by making sure you love yourself - - - the You God made.

7:14 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Do you think he's asking for siblings? (Which you're conveniently working on providing.) You have not failed at anything in the least. If he's not asking for siblings he's trying to figure something else out. It probably has nothing to do with your actual home or house or you.

Hugs to the emotional pregnant one. (Been there!)

9:46 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Q-ster used to say "I want to go home" when we were home too, or "I want to go to bed" when he was in bed. I think it was a roundabout way of asking for comfort, or to know what we would say back to him ("We *are* home. Aren't we lucky to have this home?")

As Heather said above, you're giving him a little sibling - it doesn't get much more homey than that!

11:05 PM  
Blogger Awesome Mom said...

I bet he is just sensing the changes that will be happening soon with the arrival of the baby. Both of my kids went a bit nuts in the months before the baby came.

9:38 AM  
Blogger Freckle Face Girl said...

Lexi went through a stage where she would say that all the time. I would just laugh and say we are home. I think it is just a weird toddler thing. You are probably taking it personally because you are pregnant. Moms worry too much. :)

2:51 PM  
Blogger Bloggy Mama said...

Totally not failing him, Damselfly. It's fully a stage of figuring out what home is. I would talk about home and plan some projects to make home a special place for him - what he seems to express that he is "missing". You're doing a great job, Mama. Big hugs to you.

11:28 PM  
Blogger Madeline said...

Oh, don't you go beating yourself up! I don't think 2 1/2 year olds really worry too much about how swank their pad is. It seems to me like Fly just wants a live in kid to play with. He's about to get his wish, which is probably more than he bargained for!
He is well loved and has a mommy who makes sacrifices so that he can have her around full time. If he wants swanky new digs than he's just going to have to learn to use a shovel and hammer a bit better and do it himself. You are certainly doing more than enough. :)

11:32 PM  
Blogger Madeline said...

P.S. The red salvia is absolutely gorgeous, and go you for getting out their and planting stuff. At 36 weeks I had to have help getting off the couch. Planting was out of the question.

11:34 PM  
Anonymous chelle said...

k .... I so get worked up over comments like that, HOWEVER we shouldn't. Usually the kids are just looking to see what our response will be. He is looking to you to help him define his world. It goes on, my almost five year old does it to me all the time. Give him the answer you want him to have, full of love.

1:50 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

He's just having a mid-toddlerhood crisis. I'm having a little mid-adulthood crisis myself lately so I can relate. I'm fairly certain he'll grow out of his long before I grow out of mine, so never fear!

3:56 PM  
Blogger SlushTurtle said...

You're a great mom! Hugs while you figure out what the little fella is talking about!

10:20 PM  
Blogger groovyoldlady said...

I think most kids go through a "I wish I lived somewhere else" or "I wish I had a different family" stage(s). I sure did! Don't take it to heart!

7:51 AM  
Blogger mollie said...

My kids (5 and 2 1/2) both say that. The older one says it when he's in trouble and the little one says it whenever she doesnt get her way...I guess it is just a normal little kid thing, but it does make me a little sad when they say it...
:/

8:11 AM  
Blogger Guinevere Meadow said...

My little guy often says "I want to go home!" when we're home, too. From reading everyone else's comments, it seems to be a fairly normal thing for this age! (e's recently started referring to home as "Chris's house!" He very often asks to go over to your house! Nearly every day he asks me where you and Fly are, too. "Where are Damselfly-Fly?" he'll ask. Then I'll tell him, "Fly is at Fly's house. We are at Chris's house."

12:30 PM  

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