A month after my perfect birth

Dream quickpage by Kimberly Pollinger

It's hard to believe that my baby is a month old today.

Funny how time keeps going forward like that.

My little Junebug is a much more laid-back baby than Fly was. JP tentatively suggested the Bug is my do-over baby -- partly kidding, of course -- because Fly was and still is an intense child.

JP also pointed out that with the Bug I got the labor I always wanted, and because some people enjoy birth stories, well, here ya go. (If you don't want to read the birth story, you can scroll down for a picture of a super-cute baby!)

The day before the Bug was born, I was determined for him to come out. My doctor was planning to induce me because I went past my due date and an ultrasound showed the baby was big. Not a fan of pitocin, I desperately wanted the Bug to come out on his own. So I started the day with a plan. I took Fly for a bike ride over speed bumps. I went out and bought, then drank, raspberry leaf tea (which turns out probably doesn't do anything to encourage labor). I made super-spicy "jump start your labor" cookies as suggested by the Rookie Moms. For a week before, I had been walking as much as possible and trying just about any trick and old-wives' tale I heard about.

Nothing happened.

I woke up early the next day because I couldn't sleep. I did a little yoga -- for the first time during my whole pregnancy -- and watched the morning news while JP and Fly slept. It felt so good to move and stretch my body, which I hadn't been doing for months, and I felt the baby was almost moving and stretching with me.

I had an appointment then, when my OB had me do a non-stress test to get a read on the baby's heartbeat. I sat there for an hour while nurse after nurse tried to get the baby's heartbeat -- which was clearly audible -- to show up on the test machine's printout. It wasn't working, so the doctor told me to have the test done at the hospital and also to get another ultrasound. Perfect! Just what I wanted to do with my day. Did I mention I was trying to squeeze the doctor appointment in before JP had to go to work so he could watch Fly?

When I called JP to tell him I had to go to the hospital, he called his parents to come watch Fly, and we went to the hospital together. Everything checked out fine with the baby, who was still measuring big, and I begged the doctor to give me a couple more days on the induction on the evidence that the Bug was doing just fine in my womb.

JP and I stopped to pick up some lunch for ourselves and his parents to take back home. After eating, I started not feeling so good. Before his parents could go home, I decided to lie down. It was about 2 pm. I wondered if I might be going into labor. JP's parents went home.

By 3 pm, I started feeling mild contractions. Another hour went by, and I told JP maybe he should call his parents to come back. Fly had been napping, which was good timing, I guess. At some point, he woke up and came into my room, where JP was helping me time the contractions while I tried to use hypnobirthing techniques. I was able to relax through the contractions, for the most part -- I lasted longer with the hypnobirthing this time than with Fly.

Very quickly, the contractions started getting stronger and closer together. JP called our doula at 5 pm to tell her to come. Around 5:30, I felt the urge to pee, and my water broke while I was in the bathroom. JP called the doula again, and she was stuck in traffic. She told him to have me get in the tub and try to relax. By this time, the hypnobirthing wasn't working for me anymore. My in-laws were across the hall from the bathroom now, in Fly's room, and probably hearing every moan I made. Suddenly, I felt I couldn't stay in the tub anymore. I got out, and JP found me trying to put on some clothes and helped me get dressed.

I was about to tell him we should get going to the hospital without the doula when she arrived. I don't remember details at this point, except for really wishing I didn't have to go to the hospital and just have the baby at home because I dreaded the thought of getting in the car for the ride there. JP and our doula helped me into the car, and she followed us in her car to the hospital. I'm pretty sure JP broke several traffic laws, but I was too busy writhing in my seat to really notice.

Once I got checked at the hospital around 6:10, I was already 7 cm dilated. They put me in a labor and delivery room pretty fast. My nurse suggested getting an IV in me, but I was moving around a lot, and JP and my doula knew I didn't really want an IV and somehow I didn't end up with one.

I'm not really sure what all happened between the hospital check-in time and the time the Bug was born (7:47), but it didn't seem to me to be as long as an hour and a half. Someone would tell me how far along I was, or asked about when my OB was coming, and the contractions kept coming in waves. Finally, my doula told me I was going to have the baby and I said, "Don't tease me." I didn't think the baby could possibly come that quickly -- Fly took forever.

And then one contraction had a bonus: a strange urge, like the urge to throw up, except, well, of course, at the other end. I started pushing. This was strange to me because with Fly, I had an epidural, and my OB told me when to push because I didn't feel anything. (I pushed him out in eight minutes.)

My nurse naturally told me not to push because my OB hadn't arrived yet. But how can you tell someone not to throw up? Every push felt like a crash throughout the inside of my body. I'm pretty sure I sounded and looked like the Exorcist. This was torture, and yet I thought about my baby and how soon I would be holding him and this would all be over.

My OB arrived, and then everyone in the room tried to get me off my side and on my back, down to where the doctor was at the end of the bed. I basically refused, so they dragged me into position. JP told me he could see the baby's head. I couldn't believe it! A couple more pushes, and the little Bug was out and immediately in my arms, screaming heartily.

I shook.

Here was my 8-lb. 13-oz., 23-inch blessing.

He's perfect. And beautiful. (Today, he's 11 lbs. 5 oz. and 23-3/4 inches.)

Another blessing is I got to have the drug-free birth I wanted. No induction. And not even an IV. (Although that came later. Pitocin to make sure nothing remained in my uterus. Many of you probably know the drill.) I just thank God it went quickly and without any complications. It really was a perfect birth. At the thought of that, I'm amazed.

But I told JP at the time I didn't think I ever wanted to do that again. The pain! The crashing pushes! I still feel it when I cough, sneeze or laugh hard.

Basically, though, I'm just so thankful to have this baby and to have two healthy children. And who knows, maybe once again I'll forget about the labor pains, the pregnancy heartburn and backaches and fatigue, the tussle with nurses and doctors and appointments -- and want to have a third child. I really feel I'm getting too old for this babymaking business, but I can't rule out what is meant to be, can I?

After all, babies are kind of like potato chips: It's hard to stop at just one.

Especially when they're this sweet and cuddly.

I Love You for Sentimental Reasons

Fly last fall; MissVivi quick page

When I started Growing A Life two and a half years ago, there was no way I could have imagined I would be where I am now -- that the blog would be where it is now. I didn't imagine the friends I would make, the tears of sadness or hysterics you would make me cry, the way I would feel like a better mother for spending time online consuming everything you've written about teething, breastfeeding, tantrums, making sacrifices, watching your babies sleep and falling in love with them every day in a million ways. Blogging -- mainly reading your blogs -- has been a lifesaver and something that keeps me going especially on days when nothing good seems to be happening or when nothing seems to please my high-energy, strong-willed but kind-hearted Fly.

As he grew more independent, last year I started another parenting blog more about our region of the world, as many of you know. (Hi, dual readers!) It has been great to have another place to write about being a mama, Fly's antics or just everyday life. That blog has surprisingly taken on a life of its own, earning me a "Blog of the Day" award from my local newspaper and especially the Nickelodeon Parent's Picks Awards nomination for our region.

Blogging here and there has been fun but also challenging. It's been hard to keep up with who knows me from which blog, how frequently have I posted where and what I said where. I know I've confused more than one of you with my split blog personality. With my baby coming less than a month from now, I know I will want to give him or her -- and JP and Fly -- my attention and not just sit at the computer. That wouldn't make for good blogging anyway.

So I decided Growing A Life will be my more personal blog -- which it already is. I probably won't post as often, but this is where I'll have baby pictures! And Fly photos! And more private news to share. So this blog isn't going anywhere. I'm too sentimental to banish my first love.

If you want to follow me to the other blog, though, I'd be so happy. Hope you'll stop by.

Passed down from Mom

Today is my mother's birthday. And tomorrow, of course, is Mother's Day. (Every so often, her birthday and Mother's Day are on the same day.)



She and my sister are here from out of state for a visit, so I get to treat them both a little bit. I have a little surprise planned for her tonight, actually!

I have briefly blogged here before about the ups and downs in my relationship with my mother, Cammy. When I was young, she wasn't especially interested in active parenting. My grandmother took care of me until she died. As soon as I was old enough by state law, I went to live with my dad.

For about 12 years, Cammy and I didn't communicate. Then after the Sept. 11 attacks, I got a letter from my sister. She broke the ice for Cammy and me. We slowly started get to know each other again. I learned about the healing power of forgiveness. My mother and I will probably never have a super close mother/daughter relationship, but we enjoy getting together a few times a year (despite the distance). We can laugh and have a good time together. There's definitely love there.

What's remarkable to me is that despite our troubles and our long time spent apart, when my mother and I (and my sister) are together, we laugh about how similar we are to one another. Even if my mother was often short on nurture when I was growing up, the nature aspect of parenting has definitely come through.

Physically, I'm a taller, darker-colored version of my mother. (Why couldn't I have gotten her pale green eyes? "Green eyes aren't photogenic," she once told me.) I have her broad shoulders, plump toes and unruly hair. I'm just now starting to recognize something of her voice in mine -- the sound as well as the expressions. We like a lot of the same foods.

Even though our personalities are different, it's a comfort to me to know someone is a bit similar to me and understands me (which I often didn't get from my stepmother). A feeling of belonging -- no matter how faint -- is a loving thing to pass on to your child. And that's what I have with Cammy.

- - - - -

This post is part of the Parent Bloggers Network Mother's Day Blog Blast sponsored by JOHNSON'S. Their second annual Celebrity Hand Me Down charity auction runs from 7 pm PT on Thursday May 7 through 7 pm PT on Thursday May 14, featuring items donated by celebrity moms Gwyneth Paltrow and Jessica Alba. All proceeds will benefit the new global JOHNSON'S® NO MORE TEARS® Clean Water initiative via their well-known charitable giving site, Baby Cause.

Working at the car wash

(Turns out I'm not the only one with a kid drawn to buckets the moment you're looking the other way.)

Paper and sign by Baers Garten. Photo mask by Kylie M Designs. Bubbles by Kristin Aagard. Alpha by Ziggle.

At the egg hunt

Made with Scrap Girls frames, Ellie Lash splatter and eggs, word art and ribbon unknown

Popcorn!

Manda Girl template, Scrap Girls papers and elements, Digital-Crea paper

Go fly a kite

Let's see who knows where those lyrics are from....

The cookie maker

Merry Christmas!

Splash on!

Fly isn't really wearing shorts that long -- they were just hanging down because I forgot a swim diaper and used a regular diaper that soaked up all the water. By the look of him, though, I don't think he really cares.

Happy fall

It's fall!

The thermometer doesn't know it, though....

Happy 2nd birthday, Fly!

Friday I'm in love

Can you tell I'm thinking about The Cure?

Summer on the boardwalk

Waking up...

Waking up to this little boy makes me smile!

How I save my memories digitally

Some readers have commented on my scrapblogging posts -- wondering what tools I use and how I create the layouts -- so I thought I'd share a quick introduction to digital scrapbooking.

I turned to digital scrapbooking (the dark side, if you ask my expert paper scrapbooker friend Roo) only last fall some time. Before then, I (very badly) did regular paper scrapbooking when I had the chance, which was almost never. By the time I found my supplies and set them out, found pictures I wanted to place on the page and came up with an idea for a creative layout, naptime was over. So I put all that stuff away for another time, which hardly seemed to come. When I found out about doing layouts with a program like Photoshop or Paint Shop Pro, I was amazed. I may be all thumbs with scissors and glue and stamps and lining things up properly in a paper scrapbook, but using a mouse click to crop a photo or undo something I messed up -- that I could do!

It started when Fly was born, as I started sending family and friends pictures of him at the end of each month using Tabblo. I would put all of that month's pictures into one of Tabblo's layouts, then send everyone a private link to the layout online. This was perfect for me at the time because I didn't have a lot of spare time, with a newborn.

Around Fly's first birthday, I found out about Smilebox. This service offers more creative layouts that you can send through e-mail, or -- if you pay a fee or buy a membership -- you can even print out the layout, add music, etc. You can use still photos or video, and use premade templates to send electronic greeting cards, slideshows and other fun stuff. Scrapblog is another great resource for creating digital layouts using videos and music, and offers more flexibility. Both are great for sharing with family and friends online.

Later, I found several online stores that sell digital downloads for scrapbooking. Now my digital life was really going somewhere because I wasn't limited to someone else's template! Some sites sell files that are for designing your layouts purely digitally, while others are what they call hybrid stores where you do the design on your computer and then print out what you've designed to make your layout or other paper craft project.

Some of my favorite digital scrapbooking stores are Scrap Girls, Scrap Artist, Scrapbookgraphics, Scrap Dish, Digital Design Essentials, Sunshine Studio Scraps and Little Dreamer Designs. There are many, many more! Digishoptalk has some really good resources to get you started and has had fun digital scrapbooking contests. In fact, most shops and designers have contests (usually called challenges) every week or every month, and winners get money to spend in their digital scrapbook store.

At these stores, you can buy entire kits, which are color coordinated and usually have a theme. Kits include background images (which is what you would use for the "paper" portion of your scrapbook layout) and embellishments to add to your page like a photo frame, ribbons, flowers, stickers, pockets, glitter splotches and other things you would use if you were doing a paper scrapbook layout. Sometimes kits include an "alpha," or files of letters and numbers that coordinate when you want to put a title on your layout. If you can think of a theme, a digital scrapbook designer has probably already designed it! You can also buy digital files separately if you don't want to buy a kit.

After I choose some digital files to work with, I use Adobe Photoshop Elements 6.0. I open up a background paper file. I choose a digital photo downloaded from my camera. I like to put my picture in a frame, which is another file. Then I might rotate it a little bit in Photoshop and place it on my paper. Then I would add some embellishments, a title or some journaling. I save the file, then also a smaller version of the file in a .jpg format (the common format used for the Web). If you don't have an idea of how to position everything on a page, digital scrapbook stores also sell templates for you to plug in your paper, photos, and other items. It's fun -- and I spend a lot less time scrapbooking than the traditional paper method.

Many designers have blogs and give away freebies through their blogs -- a great way to get started in digital scrapbooking to see if you like it. Ikea Goddess posts an excellent list of freebies every day.

At the end of the year, I plan to put my best digital layouts into a hardcover book from Snapfish. Shutterfly and My Publisher also sell photo books made from your digital photos. In fact, all of these sites have built-in design templates if you want to just plug your photos in and skip the design part yourself. I've done that too.

This is just a basic introduction to digital scrapbooking, but maybe it will be helpful to someone. If anything, I hope it will inspire you to save and share your memories!

America

Just plain cute

Happy Easter

Mushy Valentine pleasure

I am posting this because I am a sucker for all things made by children. Completefoolsucker. I still have a picture on my fridge made by the daughter of a woman I did a project with three years ago.

Now that Fly is (sort of) able to make me things, my heart does a little flip-flop when "makes" things.

I am going to need lots of picture frames and keepsake boxes and maybe a second refrigerator.

Fly made me a Valentine's Day craft in the church nursery. It's a flower made out of a paint impression of his hand, with a heart in the flower.

For your mushy Valentine's Day pleasure, here is the poem glued to the Valentine:

A piece of me
I give to you.
I painted this flower
To say "I love you."

The heart is you,
The hand is me,
To show we are friends --
The best there can be.

I hope you save it
And look back someday
At the flower we shared
On this special day.

Wordless Wednesday