A month after my perfect birth

Dream quickpage by Kimberly Pollinger

It's hard to believe that my baby is a month old today.

Funny how time keeps going forward like that.

My little Junebug is a much more laid-back baby than Fly was. JP tentatively suggested the Bug is my do-over baby -- partly kidding, of course -- because Fly was and still is an intense child.

JP also pointed out that with the Bug I got the labor I always wanted, and because some people enjoy birth stories, well, here ya go. (If you don't want to read the birth story, you can scroll down for a picture of a super-cute baby!)

The day before the Bug was born, I was determined for him to come out. My doctor was planning to induce me because I went past my due date and an ultrasound showed the baby was big. Not a fan of pitocin, I desperately wanted the Bug to come out on his own. So I started the day with a plan. I took Fly for a bike ride over speed bumps. I went out and bought, then drank, raspberry leaf tea (which turns out probably doesn't do anything to encourage labor). I made super-spicy "jump start your labor" cookies as suggested by the Rookie Moms. For a week before, I had been walking as much as possible and trying just about any trick and old-wives' tale I heard about.

Nothing happened.

I woke up early the next day because I couldn't sleep. I did a little yoga -- for the first time during my whole pregnancy -- and watched the morning news while JP and Fly slept. It felt so good to move and stretch my body, which I hadn't been doing for months, and I felt the baby was almost moving and stretching with me.

I had an appointment then, when my OB had me do a non-stress test to get a read on the baby's heartbeat. I sat there for an hour while nurse after nurse tried to get the baby's heartbeat -- which was clearly audible -- to show up on the test machine's printout. It wasn't working, so the doctor told me to have the test done at the hospital and also to get another ultrasound. Perfect! Just what I wanted to do with my day. Did I mention I was trying to squeeze the doctor appointment in before JP had to go to work so he could watch Fly?

When I called JP to tell him I had to go to the hospital, he called his parents to come watch Fly, and we went to the hospital together. Everything checked out fine with the baby, who was still measuring big, and I begged the doctor to give me a couple more days on the induction on the evidence that the Bug was doing just fine in my womb.

JP and I stopped to pick up some lunch for ourselves and his parents to take back home. After eating, I started not feeling so good. Before his parents could go home, I decided to lie down. It was about 2 pm. I wondered if I might be going into labor. JP's parents went home.

By 3 pm, I started feeling mild contractions. Another hour went by, and I told JP maybe he should call his parents to come back. Fly had been napping, which was good timing, I guess. At some point, he woke up and came into my room, where JP was helping me time the contractions while I tried to use hypnobirthing techniques. I was able to relax through the contractions, for the most part -- I lasted longer with the hypnobirthing this time than with Fly.

Very quickly, the contractions started getting stronger and closer together. JP called our doula at 5 pm to tell her to come. Around 5:30, I felt the urge to pee, and my water broke while I was in the bathroom. JP called the doula again, and she was stuck in traffic. She told him to have me get in the tub and try to relax. By this time, the hypnobirthing wasn't working for me anymore. My in-laws were across the hall from the bathroom now, in Fly's room, and probably hearing every moan I made. Suddenly, I felt I couldn't stay in the tub anymore. I got out, and JP found me trying to put on some clothes and helped me get dressed.

I was about to tell him we should get going to the hospital without the doula when she arrived. I don't remember details at this point, except for really wishing I didn't have to go to the hospital and just have the baby at home because I dreaded the thought of getting in the car for the ride there. JP and our doula helped me into the car, and she followed us in her car to the hospital. I'm pretty sure JP broke several traffic laws, but I was too busy writhing in my seat to really notice.

Once I got checked at the hospital around 6:10, I was already 7 cm dilated. They put me in a labor and delivery room pretty fast. My nurse suggested getting an IV in me, but I was moving around a lot, and JP and my doula knew I didn't really want an IV and somehow I didn't end up with one.

I'm not really sure what all happened between the hospital check-in time and the time the Bug was born (7:47), but it didn't seem to me to be as long as an hour and a half. Someone would tell me how far along I was, or asked about when my OB was coming, and the contractions kept coming in waves. Finally, my doula told me I was going to have the baby and I said, "Don't tease me." I didn't think the baby could possibly come that quickly -- Fly took forever.

And then one contraction had a bonus: a strange urge, like the urge to throw up, except, well, of course, at the other end. I started pushing. This was strange to me because with Fly, I had an epidural, and my OB told me when to push because I didn't feel anything. (I pushed him out in eight minutes.)

My nurse naturally told me not to push because my OB hadn't arrived yet. But how can you tell someone not to throw up? Every push felt like a crash throughout the inside of my body. I'm pretty sure I sounded and looked like the Exorcist. This was torture, and yet I thought about my baby and how soon I would be holding him and this would all be over.

My OB arrived, and then everyone in the room tried to get me off my side and on my back, down to where the doctor was at the end of the bed. I basically refused, so they dragged me into position. JP told me he could see the baby's head. I couldn't believe it! A couple more pushes, and the little Bug was out and immediately in my arms, screaming heartily.

I shook.

Here was my 8-lb. 13-oz., 23-inch blessing.

He's perfect. And beautiful. (Today, he's 11 lbs. 5 oz. and 23-3/4 inches.)

Another blessing is I got to have the drug-free birth I wanted. No induction. And not even an IV. (Although that came later. Pitocin to make sure nothing remained in my uterus. Many of you probably know the drill.) I just thank God it went quickly and without any complications. It really was a perfect birth. At the thought of that, I'm amazed.

But I told JP at the time I didn't think I ever wanted to do that again. The pain! The crashing pushes! I still feel it when I cough, sneeze or laugh hard.

Basically, though, I'm just so thankful to have this baby and to have two healthy children. And who knows, maybe once again I'll forget about the labor pains, the pregnancy heartburn and backaches and fatigue, the tussle with nurses and doctors and appointments -- and want to have a third child. I really feel I'm getting too old for this babymaking business, but I can't rule out what is meant to be, can I?

After all, babies are kind of like potato chips: It's hard to stop at just one.

Especially when they're this sweet and cuddly.

It's a boy!

Ready to go home. Can he be smiling already?


Hurray, the labor is over! I didn't have any pain medication this time. Even if I had wanted it, there wasn't any time for me to get it.


Junebug looks great. I'm tired and disheveled.

Born June 30 -- at long last! Thank you for all your good wishes. I'm disoriented and disorganized, but very happy.

Waiting

No baby yet.

Ain't nuthin' going on here.

Well, actually, I'm 2 cm dilated. My doctor and doula both said to get walking. So for the past three days, I have been walking and doing not much else except ... waiting. That's about all I have energy for.

I thought yesterday was my due date, but it's actually tomorrow. I really got that one mixed up. I know the baby will come when s/he comes, but I really felt the big day would be a couple weeks ago.

So I feel I'm in a holding pattern. I'm trying to do something fun with Fly every day. Writing thank-you notes. Tying up loose ends. Staring at my to-go bag. Discovering if I scratch my belly in just the right place, it seems to tickle the baby.

Just waiting.

Belly shots

Look at the photos my friend Guinevere took of me today! She's so talented.







Check out her photo blog here.

I didn't really want my picture taken much when I was pregnant with Fly. I don't know why I feel differently this time. I hope Fly doesn't care!

I Love You for Sentimental Reasons

Fly last fall; MissVivi quick page

When I started Growing A Life two and a half years ago, there was no way I could have imagined I would be where I am now -- that the blog would be where it is now. I didn't imagine the friends I would make, the tears of sadness or hysterics you would make me cry, the way I would feel like a better mother for spending time online consuming everything you've written about teething, breastfeeding, tantrums, making sacrifices, watching your babies sleep and falling in love with them every day in a million ways. Blogging -- mainly reading your blogs -- has been a lifesaver and something that keeps me going especially on days when nothing good seems to be happening or when nothing seems to please my high-energy, strong-willed but kind-hearted Fly.

As he grew more independent, last year I started another parenting blog more about our region of the world, as many of you know. (Hi, dual readers!) It has been great to have another place to write about being a mama, Fly's antics or just everyday life. That blog has surprisingly taken on a life of its own, earning me a "Blog of the Day" award from my local newspaper and especially the Nickelodeon Parent's Picks Awards nomination for our region.

Blogging here and there has been fun but also challenging. It's been hard to keep up with who knows me from which blog, how frequently have I posted where and what I said where. I know I've confused more than one of you with my split blog personality. With my baby coming less than a month from now, I know I will want to give him or her -- and JP and Fly -- my attention and not just sit at the computer. That wouldn't make for good blogging anyway.

So I decided Growing A Life will be my more personal blog -- which it already is. I probably won't post as often, but this is where I'll have baby pictures! And Fly photos! And more private news to share. So this blog isn't going anywhere. I'm too sentimental to banish my first love.

If you want to follow me to the other blog, though, I'd be so happy. Hope you'll stop by.

35-week belly bump

Me and the baby after a shower, so you get to see me with my hair in a lazy half-bun. Yay, you.

Am I naturally that pink and just have a tan everywhere besides my belly? Or is that one super-pink baby belly?

I almost forgot to post this! The time is flying by. I've been posting belly photos every five weeks (starting at week 20). With that schedule, the next time you might see the actual baby!

A more simple joy

Artist's self-portrait

As I reflect on the past week and the simple joys it brought, I find I am still amazed at this little boy who wasn't even a being three years ago. There was no child in our house for almost 12 years, and then he appeared "from a little dust and a little rain."

And it's going to happen again, next month -- a baby born out of a miracle, out of love.

I feel guilty on the days I am too tired or sick or achy or pregnant to play with Fly the way he deserves. But I'm thankful for days when I have the energy to do fun things with him.


Splash!

I feel guilty for not blogging or reading blogs because I just can't, but then I remind myself, once again, this is supposed to be fun and not another chore hanging over my head.

So I take whatever I can get out of each day, and go with that. Each day is a blessing, and you can't get a more simple joy than that.

Full-on ramble

- I can't seem to find a quarter of the things on my list when I go to a store lately. Not just food shopping, but places like Target or the craft store. I'm not looking for hard-to-find items. Has the recession made stores stop carrying stuff? I guess we'll know when people start fighting over the last package of toilet paper (er, "bathroom tissue" if you're fancy).

- My health insurance company asked me to enroll in a healthy-pregnancy program that would give me access to a nurse on the phone around the clock. It sounded good until they kept calling and leaving messages, and then when I would return the calls and be on hold for three minutes, I'd hang up. And the process would start over again. When I actually got to talk to someone to find out what they wanted, it was a guy asking me questions about very private parts, and I told him I wanted out of the program. Two weeks later, they sent me a $50 gift card and a guidebook to pregnancy. I hurried and spent the money before they realized what had happened . . . .

- Related to that, I am running out of patience lately. Or at least, I don't seem to have a great tolerance for Fly's shenanigans. The past few days of terrible-two behavior have had me greatly stressing. And I had myself a little meltdown yesterday. JP was there for me. He came home early and told me to get out of the house for a little while. I love him. Marriage definitely has its perks. He didn't even blink when I told him I'd send him a postcard.

- By the way, does anyone know how to get a two-and-a-half-year-old to listen and do what he's told?

- Specifically, not to run away from me and make me chase him and then carry him bodily back to where he needs to be? My pregnant body just isn't up for that anymore. This is how fast I have to run to catch up to him:



- And because today is Take Your Child to Work Day, I think it would be a splendid idea for JP to do just that.

- A friend told me crushed Cap'n Crunch cereal was good to coat chicken with before you bake it. Another friend said wheat germ was good too. So I bought both. Guess which one I've already had two bowls full of?

- Speaking of Cap'n Crunch, have you looked at the box lately? Doesn't it seem as though the company has "Sponge Bob-ized" the look of all the characters? Everyone looks stark raving mad.

- I am thinking about getting my hair cut. As in, seriously shortened. I've had short hair three times in my life. See my blog header? My hair isn't that long. But it has been. However, I just don't have time for it. Or patience. (See above.) And when the baby comes, it will probably look like a rat's nest unless I cut it to a length I can maintain because it is inhumanely thick (I get it thinned once or twice a year) and curly (but not in a good way). I just do not want to turn my hair into a hobby.

- So what's a good style for a hexagon-shaped face?

- We were going to go away this weekend to use tickets to a water theme park we bought before the Junebug came into being. Now we have about a month to use the tickets before they expire, and I am forbidden from going down any water slides while pregnant even though it is one of the most fun things to do in the world. (Yes, I am 11 years old.) Our plan was to drive there Friday night, play in the water on Saturday and come home Sunday. But we had to buy a new water heater unexpectedly. And a car-repair bill cost about 40% more than estimated. Now our dishwasher is broken. And we have to pay the doula. So two nights at a hotel would be financially irresponsible. If I could just talk JP into driving there and back on the same day, then we wouldn't need a hotel . . . .

- Actually, it might be easier to talk myself out of thinking it would be fun to heft my big, lazy body around a place where a bunch of skinny people were walking around and having a great time on the water slides. ("That should be me . . . sob!") Yeah, maybe not the best way to spend a Saturday.

30-week belly bump

I'm so sorry this is all you get. I felt super sick today, and there's no way I was about to show my face.

I'm also sorry this is all you get, because super friend Guinny and I conspired to have her photograph me on the beach, but it didn't work out. Very soon, I hope . . . .

Yesterday was my last appointment with the genetic counselor. My little Junebug still has a bright spot on the heart. But again, the doctor doesn't seem to be concerned because everything else looks normal -- as far as you can tell by an ultrasound. The baby measured big, too, at three and a half pounds (78 percentile, supposedly), so I guess I'm doing something right. (Although my OB said ultrasound measurements can be off by as much as a pound.)

The best part is JP and I got to see the baby's face. Sort of. If I can wrangle the pictures from the proud papa, I will try to post one . . . .

Health, showers, friends and other joys

Dealing with pregnancy fatigue and still dealing with a head cold (week three -- this bug has stamina!), I have an embarrassing amount of e-mails to respond to and an obscene number of posts in my reader that I couldn't possibly catch up on. I haven't been on Twitter in about a week. I had great plans for the Ultimate Blog Party including daily visits to the chat room I set up and additional giveaways (Jodifur won the Mothers & Children book). But they went the way of good intentions.

Despite my sorry physical state, I'm thankful for good general health -- for me and my family. Sometimes, I think being sick really makes you appreciate your health.

I appreciate being able to take a shower. For some reason, it occurred to me this week that I'm fortunate because my simple, quick shower routine is probably like a spa treatment to many people in the world.

I'm thankful for my real-life friends and mom posse, and also for my blog buddies. They -- you -- really prop me up.

I'm relieved every time someone greets me and doesn't comment on my expanding body size.

These are just some of the simple joys I discovered this week.

Ugh.

If your second trimester is supposed to be your energetic trimester, then I am doomed once the home stretch arrives in a couple weeks.

I'm just so tired lately that I often don't even want to think about doing anything. I keep going, though, mostly for Fly's sake, and also because I hope Newton's Law of Motion with all that stuff about inertia applies to pregnant women. You know, bodies in motion tend to stay in motion and all that. Because this body just wants to lie down or sit at every opportunity.

It's also hard when like a fourth of your weight is sticking out in front of you and seems to double every week or so, and you feel like your stomach is going to split open if you just move the wrong way.

I know all of this isn't anything generations of pregnant women haven't endured as well. I just feel like whining, I guess. Forgive me.

And now I feel like going back to resting....

A diaper? A cake? A diaper cake!

Look what came in the mail for me today!



It's a beautiful diaper cake from Diaper Cakewalk! Isn't it pretty? The owner knows I'm not finding out the sex of my baby, so she sent me a gender-neutral diaper cake. Thank you! I'm still sick, so this was a nice highlight in my day.

I've truly never seen diaper cakes up close and personal before, so this was a cool gift to receive. And I can see that it would make a great new baby gift for someone. I am thinking this would be fun for the daughter of a friend who just found out she's expecting her first baby. It would make a cute centerpiece at a baby shower.

Look at the cute bunnies! The top one is a pacifier holder, the middle one is a wrist rattle and the big rabbit on the bottom plays a song when you press its chest.



The diapers are two different sizes of Pampers. Very clever. It's almost too pretty to use!

25-week belly bump

The baby is a-popping.

Things to keep in mind:

I have been sick for three days with some kind of cold. Or maybe it's bubonic plague.

Despite that, I gave in and included my head in the photo, as I was criticized last time for just showing my belly. Silly me, I thought that's all anyone was interested in.

The color of my bathroom walls really isn't "American Revolution Era Parchment."

Those flowers really aren't attacking my butt.

I have no better ideas on how to take a self-portrait, so if you have some tips, I'd appreciate them!

The ladybits aisle

To join Heather at Cool Zebras for Simply Joy Sunday, can I just say how happy and relieved I am when I pass this aisle in the supermarket?



For months, I'd face this part of the store once or twice a week and wonder if I would ever have a need again to take a pregnancy test. It would just make me want a baby even more. That maternal need for a baby really messes with your head.

And now, I'm expecting a baby. And our family (well, most of our family) is so happy.

Someday, I might visit the Bahamas and actually not be pregnant

So over the weekend, we went to the Bahamas (I know!) to celebrate our anniversary. It was a wedding anniversary for JP and me, but it was also a sort of anniversary for Fly, who visited the Bahamas in utero on our "babymoon."

Although it's been a year and a half since Fly got his passport, this was his first international trip. (Come to think of it, it was also his first out-of-state trip.)

But Fly discovered some aspects of international travel aren't all that glamorous, like waiting in lines at the cruise port before the sun even rose.



The promise of getting on a big boat helped, though.



And it was great to look out our cabin window and see the ocean.



Or not.

The cabin was small, and the beds were slightly more comfortable than ambulance stretchers, and some characters think it's funny to photograph people while they are sleeping.



When we settled into our resort in Port Lucaya, we discovered in a cruel slap from Mother Nature that the temperature was actually a bit cooler in the Bahamas than it was at home. For about two hours, though, it was warm enough to play on the beach.





We also spent some time in the marketplace square, which couldn't be more charming.



At nighttime, there is live music in the square. Fly asked me to dance.



But he quickly turned his attention to another woman.



I couldn't compete with that.

It was fun going back to the same place we went to three years ago, only this time with friends -- and a toddler.

Not much had changed there since last time. See? Here I was, six months pregnant with Fly:



And back again, four months along with our little Junebug:



Even if I couldn't enjoy the fruity Bahama Mama drinks, I guess I kind of am a Bahama Mama.



JP and I are so glad we went back -- and we feel so blessed to have each other and celebrate another year of togetherness.

20-week belly bump

Here I am, halfway through my pregnancy today!

Belly shot in all my sexy loungewear glory by request of Kristi at Interrupted Wanderlust.

PS. Kristi didn't ask for me to wear loungewear or anything specific. She just suggested I post belly shots.

PPS. I am being sarcastic in saying my loungewear is sexy.

PPPS. Don't you think "belly shots" could be something they serve at a bar off someone's navel?

A bright spot in my day

Despite Fly indicating our family is a bunch of monkeys, today's ultrasound showed a good-sized, healthy human baby.



The doctor pointed out the baby has a bright spot on the heart, or echogenic cardiac focus. Apparently, this isn't a heart defect and doesn't affect how the baby's heart operates.

However, the bright spot can indicate the baby has a chromosomal abnormality like Down Syndrome, she said. There were no other indicators of a chromosomal disorder in my ultrasound, so the doctor said she would call it a "normal variant" and that babies without any abnormalities can have the bright spot on the heart. She didn't seem worried at all and said when I go back for my final ultrasound 10 weeks from now, the bright spot might have disappeared by then.

She said we could do an amniocentesis, but JP and I are too chicken for that. We have come too far with this baby to risk losing the baby to a test. I know the risk is a small one -- and the amnio would tell us for sure whether the baby has Down Syndrome -- but we are declining.

Nothing else indicates our baby has Down Syndrome or another chromosomal disorder. But if that's what we discover when the baby is born, we will love our baby all the same. Our baby is our baby, and we are blessed no matter what.

Well, I'll be a monkey's mama

In preparation for tomorrow's ultrasound . . . .

"Fly, do you know we're going to see the baby tomorrow?"

"A baby!"

"That's right!"

"An animal!"

"No, it's not an animal."

"A monkey! Ooo-ooo-ah-ah."

"No, it's a human baby . . . your . . . it's one of us . . . a baby baby."

"Ooo-ooo-ah-ah!"

So much for clean underwear

Lately, I've been taking a shower at night, after Fly is in bed. I like feeling fresh as I settle into the sheets, and the water helps me relax at the end of the day.

I've been feeling pretty good about myself and this pregnancy. When people ask how I am, that's what I usually tell them -- "pretty good." I am thankful because despite my little pregnancy annoyances, I know it could be much worse. I was reflecting on this as I left the bathroom after my shower when the Sneeze of All Sneezes came out of my head. This wasn't just a loud "ACHOO!" It was more like a full-body earthquake. I'm certain it registered on a Richter scale somewhere.

And then I realized it had happened.

I, um, lost control.

I wet my undies!

I thought this wasn't supposed to happen until after childbirth?!

OK, let the Depends jokes come forth . . . .

Bringing baby home, and giveaway winner

OK, no, I didn't forget I was supposed to announce winners of the Bustin' Out Babies giveaway yesterday. Real life got in the way. Real life has been getting in the way of a lot of things for the past several days. A toddler being very two. A spare room to clean out to make way for the baby. Family commitments. Realizing you've closed a neighbor's open door when they weren't home only a hour before cops blocked off your street to look for a burglar and now your fingerprints are there so you're worried they'll come looking for you if anything turns up missing at their house.

Paranoid much?

I need a vacation.

Anyway, Rachel at A Little Bit of Crazy wins the baby care DVDs and the novel for her sister, who's expecting for the first time. Congrats!

I've been thinking about what it will be like with Fly and a newborn. First things first, I'm wondering what to do with Fly when I am at the hospital having the baby and the next couple of days before we come home. I was talking with a friend who has a daughter close to Fly's age and a five-month-old, and she recommended having grandparents stay at my home to take care of Fly, and JP come home at night. That way, Fly will still be on his comfortable home turf and have the reassurance that at least one parent is there with him at night.

JP wants to stay at the hospital with the baby and me the whole time, but I'm concerned Fly will go into shock without seeing either of us for a couple days. I know he can probably come visit at the hospital, but at the end of the visit, he won't understand why he's going home and we're not going with him.

My friend also recommended a class offered at the hospital that prepares small children for staring bug-eyed ignoring welcoming a baby into the home.

So, does anyone have any other suggestions for how to help Fly adjust to having a baby around? Or what to do with him while I'm at the hospital?