Thursday, December 18, 2008

Hurt and gratitude

A new life coming into the world. A beautiful baby to celebrate. (Aren't all babies beautiful, really?) You would think any time a person says, "I am having a baby!" that you would congratulate the mother or father. It's the polite and reasonable thing to do -- even if you are a stranger who doesn't know the person.

We rejoice with those who rejoice.

Except for JP's sister.

When JP told his sister the news that we are expecting another baby, she made a rude and untrue comment to him. Then she sarcastically said, "Congratulations," and cut off the conversation.

That was one of perhaps five times I've known my husband to cry.

Not every family is perfect, and relationships can be fragile. Something, somewhere, went wrong with our relationship with JP's sister. We don't know what that is. But I certainly never expected her to make her brother cry when she should have been sharing in his happiness.

As disturbing as this is, I am overwhelmed by your comments and good wishes -- overwhelmed and grateful.

Thank you.

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Blogger Maternal Mirth said...

Some people ... I am VERY happy for you if that's any consolation :)

5:53 PM  
Blogger Bon said...

first...i'm SO happy for you both, and delighted to hear the news.

as for the sister, i'm sorry. i will say, having spent a lot of time over the last few years in the grief/loss online community (which overlaps with the infertility community) that if that's part of the story with JP's sister, don't take it personally. it's not nice for people not to be kind, of course...but i was amazed to find out how many people out there are daily confronted with pregnancy news that cuts them like a knife.

if that's not part of the story, well...she's just mean. :) and either way, you don't deserve it.

here's to a happy healthy pregnancy!

7:00 PM  
Blogger Lady M said...

Adding more congratulations! it's hard, but try to forget the comment by JP's sister. Like Bon said, there may be unrelated things (to you) happening, even if there's no excuse for such rudeness. Much love to you!

7:13 PM  
Blogger Madeline said...

You poor guys. It's so hard when there's a split in a family. I hope it's able to heal.
I'm terribly excited for you, and I don't even know you. I wish you all the best for this pregnancy!

7:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, I can't even imagine how it must hurt to have family attack you for something that brings you such happiness. Fear of that happening to me is actually why I haven't made any effort to tell my dad that I'm pregnant and why I won't contact him after the baby is born... I don't know how I would handle if he rejected her the way he has me.

8:02 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

What Bon said about JP's sister is the first thing that popped into my head. I know when I was struggling with infertility I probably reacted less than enthusiastically about hearing yet another person announce their pregnancy. Although I don't think I ever said anything attacking anyone. That's definitely uncalled for. I'm sorry that she tried to put a sour note into such happy news.

It really is joyful news. Some people are just very jealous I suppose.

Can't wait to see photos of the new insect! (ha ha)

8:26 PM  
Blogger CaraBee said...

As I was telling someone the other day: Just because they're family doesn't me they're not a$$holes. So sorry!

9:04 PM  
Blogger Melissa @ Banana Migraine said...

That's too can really say such hurtful things sometimes.

This just gives me a chance to say congratulations to you again!!

9:09 PM  
Blogger the mama bird diaries said...

That is horrible. Truly horrible. You deserve better.

9:58 PM  
Blogger Beth @ TheAngelForever said...

Try not to let it get to you. Some people just do not know how to be happy. There are many people out here, including me, that are thrilled for your family.

My FIL did something similar. When we found out we were expecting our oldest we called them one morning to tell them the good news. This would be their first grandchild after all. I was on the phone (he did not know apparently) and the following words to my husband "Oh, SHE'S pregnant?!" I got off the phone quietly and went to cry. After that I told my husband that they best watch it or else SHE would not them THEM near HER baby!

Hugs to you and remember the important thing is you are expecting another miracle and your family is thrilled :)

11:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness - I'm so sorry to hear that. It's so sad when people don't know how to be nice. Whether there's a reason behind it or not, she's just being a big bitch.

I am happy for you!

11:33 PM  
Blogger mollie said...

When I announced I was preg with my first(after taking fertility drugs for 4 months) a coworker glared at me and said, "that figures" eye roll and stomped off. She, too had been thru infertility and wasnt yet successful. The thing is, I really did FEEL HER PAIN. I guess sometimes you just dont know what people are thinking.Well I for one am tickled for ya! DH and I are on the fence about trying for #3....jury's still out...Hope you are feeling well.

11:49 PM  
Blogger dianna said...

Oh my*!* I haven't been around~Congrats to all of you :)

I'm sorry you're having family issues during what should be an only joyful time. It's unfortunate because you can't escape it and it's a shame it's having such an affect on your Hubby.

Sending prayers and good thoughts...

12:07 AM  
Blogger Bloggy Mama said...

So sorry that she wasn't nice.
That's no fun, at all.

12:41 AM  
Blogger Nadine said...

I'm so sorry your husband was hurt in such a way. That's not right. I am really happy for you both. I get to watch the growth of this child before he/she joins your lovely family and big brother.

2:16 AM  
Blogger Stephanie Wilson she/her @babysteph said...

I am so sorry that this is happening for you! You are right- no family is perfect- it's so much easier to be selfish towards your own family members. She will probably regret this hurtfulness toward you someday. And I hope she comes around sooner than later. I hope you and your hubby continue to rejoice in that growing blessing!


3:41 AM  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

Is it jealousy? The people closest to us are the ones that can most easily hurt us, sad but true.

At any rate...

I'm so excited for you! Hurray, a baby!

7:59 AM  
Blogger Freckle Face Girl said...

The people we love the most often hurt us the most, but family members should be ignored. Perhaps, she is going through something completely horrible and took it out on him.

I am very excited that you are having another baby! Focus on the good! YIPEE!

8:09 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Well, I am very happy for you! You deserve to be happy and so does your husband. I know it's hard but don't let her bother you.. either she'll be happy with you, or she'll be mad by herself.. there's not much you can do to swing her vote.

ENjoy the pregnancy and enjoy the holidays.

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

arg it frustrated me so much when personal pain is inflicted on others like that. So sorry for you and your husband. Be happy and hope that she can get over herself!

3:38 PM  
Blogger Nicole said...

I'm so happy for you!

4:38 PM  
Blogger Mozi Esme said...

Wow! Some people just don't get it... Even in the least promising of situations, a new life is always a miraculous gift from God. And your situation seems to be quite promising!

Well, congratulations are definitely in order - way to go, Fly, on that big sibling status! And hope you are feeling well and taking good care of yourself... :)

4:44 PM  
Blogger Kirsetin Morello said...

I agree with so many of the others. Family stress is so hard and she must be hurting quite a bit to strike like that. I hope you'll be able to heal the rift and celebrate with joy when the new baby arrives!

8:44 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

Awww....that is discouraging, hey? The comments like this that come from family (even if they're not your fav. family members) really do hurt. **Hugs**

3:18 PM  
Blogger Kristi said...

I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't know your SIL's back story, but as someone who suffered through years of infertility, and listened to dozens of friends and family members announce their pregnancies, I think my reactions probably weren't what they were looking for either. That said, if infertility or pregnancy loss isn't her issue, then just remember you are the better person here.

4:58 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

We are born into one family and then we take all of who we are and nurture another family, some are lucky enough to blend the two, and others of us are not. Hold tight to who and what you've grown.

So sorry and so blessed, my friend.

10:57 AM  
Blogger groovyoldlady said...

I recall my dear sweet mother-in-law (and I call her that in all sincerity) when she heard that her nephew and wife were being blessed with child number five:

"What do they think their doing having another baby? Four is enough!"

I asked her if they were bad parents. No. Were they financially stable? Yes. Did their marriage seem secure? Yes.
Then what was the problem? "Well, five is just too many!"


My mom's reaction when we told her Silly-Head's name just hours after she was born: "Eeew! gross!"

It takes all kinds! I'm sorry your sil was so hurtful. people REALLY should think before they speak!

4:27 PM  
Blogger LBA said...

Sounds like it's her, not you :(

Is she married, happy, having babies, or are you both living her dream ?

Whatever the reason, there's no reason to be nasty. I hope she can see fit to apologise, and you can all work through it :(

4:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for you all.

I'm sorry JP's sister was so hurtful. Like the last commenter said, it sounds like it's her, not you.

I'm thrilled to pieces for your family. Fly will make an awesome big brother!

1:24 PM  
Blogger Michelle Fluttering Butterflies said...

I'm sorry to hear that she reacted in such a hurtful way. My sister in law was the same. She was four months along in her own pregnancy when we told her (we waited out to tell our friends and family a little longer than we normally would have in order not to steal her thunder in her first pregnancy) but even then the conversation went like this:
my husband: we've got some wonderful news.. Michelle is pregnant!'
her: oh. I thought she might be.
Us: stunned silence

Conversation carries on for a few minutes before finally she offers us a weak congratulations. She barely spoke to us during her pregnancy.

My mother in law wasn't much better either. We told her I was expecting another child and she says 'oh no, that'll be so expensive having three grandchildren' COULD.NOT.BELIEVE.IT

Good luck in your pregnancy! Fly will be an awesome big brother!

5:35 PM  

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