Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Forecast: Sunny and warm with a chance of worries

Tuesday, May 23:

Parents worry about a lot of things. And I am beginning to realize worrying starts as a pre-parent.

Sunday night, my husband talked to his mother on the phone. Afterward, he said she asked him if my doctor knew we had been snorkeling (I think she said "swimming") and were planning to fly to the Bahamas (a rather short flight) for a little "babymoon."

I think that led to a dream that my husband decided he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. He and my mother-in-law are really just waiting for the baby to be born, when they'll take the baby away from me and raise the child on their own, kicking me out of the baby's life.

This dream bothered me all day.

When I told my husband about it, he put his face in mine and said no way was he going to raise a child on his own, even with his mother's help. I think he even said something about needing me.

I'm not much of a worrier, but lately I can take a far-flung idea, an irrational fear, and let it roll around in my head until I can almost convince myself it's true.

What if the baby is brain damaged? What if something happens to my husband or me? Will we be able to keep from spoiling him or her? What if someone molests the child? What if s/he goes away to summer camp and drowns? Or becomes the victim of a school shooting? I just read about a baby who died of SIDS while sitting up and everything seemed normal. What if that happens? What if the child is hopelessly homely?

This worrying could be the result of pregnancy hormones and not something that's here to stay. But a lot of my friends, whose kids are already teenagers, seem to have their share of wild-eyed moments.

As for my m-i-l, I think she, too, still worries even though her children are grown. If you ask me, her unfounded concern about our snorkeling and upcoming trip came out of the premature birth one of her friend's kids experienced this past week; her grandbaby was born at around 2 pounds.

Worrying as a pre-parent, a parent or a grandparent ... maybe it's just a part of life.


Anonymous HolyMama! said...

oh no!! you're so cute when you're all hormonal and irrational!

please just take a deep breath and laugh at this post. go on. deep breath. re-read.

now aren't you cute?!

10:48 PM  

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