Wednesday, April 11, 2007

In which my bust goes bust

I could be returning from a nice lunch at Olive Garden with a group of cool moms from the Baby And Me class that Flybaby and I go to every Wednesday morning (naptime permitting). But instead, here I sit at my computer with a bowl of couscous and chickpeas while Fly sleeps.

Let me back up a bit. Baby And Me gives me Flybaby the chance to get used to being around other people. We sing songs and learn baby sign language and talk about our babies' development, sharing tips and ideas. Fly also gets to play with toys he doesn't have at home, like the ball pit:

It's fun, and yet it's a little bit like high school*. I feel like I have to make myself and Flybaby look presentable. And there's a group of "cool moms." They're not stuck on themselves. They are friendly with everyone, so they aren't exclusive. But you can just tell there's a trace of a little clique there.

So when the cool moms asked if I'd like to go to lunch after the class, I was like, heck yeah! Except, the cool moms asked me this as I was leaving, early, with a very unhappy Fly wriggling in my arms.

No problem. I'd whisk home, nurse him and zip right on over to Olive Garden, getting there about the same time the other moms probably would.

Except Fly wanted to nurse an exceptionally long time. And he eventually fell asleep. And it was noon already. I didn't know whether to go to the restaurant (and be late) with my sleeping baby, or just let him sleep peacefully at home, and miss out.

This isn't the first time I feel I've missed out on something because Flybaby needed to nurse. I have shared too many times to point to about how clumsy I am at nursing, and how I almost quit, many times, because I was so bad at it. Now, breastfeeding is great, but I still feel awkward, especially in public. Not because I'm afraid of people's stares, but because I just can't get myself and Flybaby comfortable without at least a couple of pillows for support. Fly is a big baby, and yet too young/small to support himself. (He also gets distracted easily while nursing, so it might not even be possible to feed him at a table surrounded by other women and babies!)

And so, I am the dweeb of dweebs, the geek of geeks, the nimrod of nimrods. (Sorry, Oh, the Joys, but I think I just might be more of a dork than you.) I cannot be a cool mom. Which means Flybaby will likely not be a cool kid.

*Yes. That means completely unlike high school, my boobs are my downfall.

This post brought to you from my amygdala. I had a brilliant post to write, but my cerebrum ate it....

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Blogger Lauren S. said...

Hang in there! My daughter nursed for 8 months and would NOT take a bottle. This meant I had to feed her every meal. I never felt comfortable nursing in public, and I never got to a point where it was effortless. Even though at the time it seemed like that period lasted forever, looking back it seems like such a blip on the radar. I truly know how frustrating it can be, but it will pass. You are doing a wonderful job taking care of the one who needs you so much!

1:40 PM  
Blogger Pattie said...

Oh I so know what you mean by cool mom. You see them everywhere..the mall, the park, school functions and even at girl scout meetings. I have a feeling it will never end. We will be 75 going to play bacarat and wishing we had Betty's new blouse or Harriets husband...ha ha

2:32 PM  
Blogger Cathy said...

My oldest was the same way. No matter where we went, what time it was, who was present -- the kid wanted to be Velcroed to the boob.

I started to feel as though I had a new and very permanent third appendage in that area.

Then I had the second one, who had to be cajoled, bribed or starving before he would nurse.

Such extremes ... sigh.

(I'm a dork too. And I've decided that thanks to Catherine Newman and her many posts on the subject, dorkdom is the new cool.)

3:11 PM  
Blogger Lissete said...

Awww, there's always next time! Mommy time with other mommys is essential. When my kids were little there were not any mommy & me type things & none of my friends had kids yet. It was a bit hard only talking baby talk :)

3:59 PM  
Blogger Bon said...

sorry you missed lunch.

mine finally outgrew the slow, awkward nursing at around seven months. now, at almost a year, when we're only doing it first thing in the morning and last thing at night, we could do it doing cartwheels...but of that i never need him to rush! i'm holding on because we're taking a big trip later this month and i want to be able to nurse during the flight, so i do hope the fact that it's finally become easy will help us out on the plane.

and i hope it gets easy for you, too. and i hope the cool moms invite you out again. they probably envy your fine dorkishness. :)

5:13 PM  
Blogger Guinevere Meadow said...

You're the coolest!! WAY COOL! Obviously, that group of moms is *not* the cool mom group because you and I are not in there to begin with. LOL! (Of course, I suppose I would have to join the class. Don't bother me with details!)

5:17 PM  
Anonymous chelle said...

I always feel so awkward and geeky at those things! I keep at it because my toddler adores being out and with other kids. Social interaction with someone over 3 feet is nice too!

I would just say that the kid zonked out leaving you time to do your own thing (other moms are always so envious of that!) and attempt to get a rain cheque on lunch :)

As for breastfeeding, I was one of those annoying moms that could feed their kid anywhere. This time around it feels way more awkward but I am hoping he will be a champ.

12:57 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I shamelessly whip 'em out anywhere and anytime, though I do try to be respectful of those folks who seem mortified to be around breasts not being used for sexual purposes. You'd hope that the moms would understand, but, despite some really cool ones, I find that a lot of moms are quite judgemental. I think you made the right decision.

8:23 AM  
Blogger Mamacita Tina said...

Too funny, you and I are are at opposite ends of the breastfeeding spectrum. I'm at the end, and wishing to still be doing it. Yes, I would miss stuff because I needed to nurse and then the baby would fall asleep. I too will never be one of those "cool" moms. But then again, I don't really want to be, I just don't have the energy for it.

9:06 AM  
Blogger Freckle Face Girl said...

You must be a "cool mom" or they would not have invited you. :) It doesn't hurt to miss out on a few things anyway.

I would have gone home too, because I am private about all that. Not that I mind other people doing it, but I feel more comfortable at home.

9:23 AM  
Blogger groovyoldlady said...

Heh-heh. With child #1 I always hid in another room - preferably dark and quiet - to nurse. Child #2 I nursed anywhere.

Then 13 years went by before child#3 and it was like starting all over again except now there were teenage boys in the house. aaaaaaaaaaak!

10:04 AM  
Blogger h&b said...

As you know, I loved breastfeeding, but due to my odd 'laying down' feeding position, it was also really awkward for me to feed in public, and like yours, my boy was big and heavy.

The other mums will understand, and another invite won't be too far away...

6:45 PM  

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